random thoughts...

my european vacation

2010-01-28T14:02:00.002+05:30

jhinga-la-la

2010-01-26T14:44:00.003+05:30

a toony post after very long.. been three years since the jhinga la la trip, and it still evokes such memories!

moving out.

2009-08-01T04:31:00.002+05:30

Its 4:30 AM, im back in #502 after unpapcking all my stuff at the new apartment. this place feels so empty and lonely - though i must say the new place looks so cozy now that all my stuff is in there (or atleast im psychologically disposed to feeling that way!! :)

although this was a great apartment, i feel like im dropping behind a lot of baggage - leaving me with this very clean, purged feeling. purged in what way? well...

1) ive dropped behind 14 kilos (wooohooo!!! though i did put on 8 of those here :P - nevertheless net losses = 6 kilos.. yay!)

2) i junked a lot of clothes over the past few weeks. now feel like i just have clothes and things i like, are usable and fit me (as opposed to loads of stuff that i dont need, dont like, dont fit into, and / or will never wear) - helps that the new place has only a smallish cupboard has to fit in everything. and its all fit in really well. also in my over enthu over the past few weeks, have made these stupid shoe boxes i use to keep randon stuff in look quite cool so its all very neat and nice :)

3) such a relief to junk all the stuff well past their expiry date! :D

4) also leaving with my hair 20 inches shorter - and all natural! :D

lots of other stuff thats really exciting, its weird that im looking forward to new house and new flatmates as a 25 year old! (feel like im 15)

what ill miss the most though is padma - the most awesome maid/housekeeper. shes awewsome! wonder what i can do for her that will mean anything... especially over the past few days while packing and unpacking she's told me the story of her life - and i feel so stupid for being such a loser after having had everything i could need.

sleepy. good night. welcome back me. :) (coming soon with new resolutions for a new house - with the first being 3 / week blogging)!

yay! it does work

2007-03-30T20:17:00.000+05:30

and i'm back.. guess the only person celebrating, is me.. so yay! :)

a quick update..
i graduated (surprisingly) last week and am back at home and all its comforts for 6 whole weeks before i start work (my first proper job - doing shitty intern work does not count)
i did manage to get a job in a company i like.. except that the job is gonna take me far away from almost everyone ive known.. thats the bad part.. :(

two years ago when i left home, i didnt feel too bad coz i thought i was gonna come back to mumbai for sure.. i didnt think i was leaving behind friends and family for too long.. two years was nothing.. and time did fly that fast..

but now im headed to hyderabad (??!!??!!) for heaven knows how long.. i know nothing about the place, am nervous at the prospect of living alone (excited too, of course :-) cant really imagine myself doing grown up stuff like paying bills and employing a maid, cooking for myself and getting a paycheck (THAT im looking forward to :-D )
but basically, i cant imagine myself as a grown up.. seems like just yesterday i was at the iim indore gate on my first day and the guard asked me whether i was old enough to be a student there "Madamji, aap toh bahut chote lagte ho.. yahan sab bade log aate hai! :P" (sure he wont be saying that now :P )

but, im sure i will be fine.. ive always been watched over very well :)

testing

2007-03-30T20:16:00.001+05:30

please work :)

my story.

2006-11-03T06:26:00.001+05:30

second year...

2006-08-02T02:04:00.000+05:30

whats second year at iim i about?

for me,

its about this feeling of comfort and familiarity, knowing the campus in and out and still feeling lost among the sea of new faces...

its about learning for learnings sake and not coz i have to..

its about being so used to late nights and last minute submissions that panic attacks are down to an all time low...

its about knowing that i am in a position of responsibility where i can make a difference...

its about being so used to the people around me that they seem natural extensions to myself.. i honestly find it hard to remember a time i did not know them..

its about a whole bunch of erstwhile idiots suddenly seeming grown up and mature...

its about still making a lot of mistakes, but handling them a wee bit better...

its about thinking a lot, lot more about life and what i would like to do with it...

its about seeing the campus so beautiful and green in the rains and knowing that its probably for the last time that im gonna see this...

its about falling in love with a city i didnt care a tiny bit about less than 2 years ago..

its about lots lots more......

'm lovin' it!!

record...

2006-05-24T03:00:00.000+05:30

just want to record the making of my first movie (nothing hi fi just moviemaker! :P), but im pretty kicked about it (and i think its come out quite ok! :D)
a fortunate few (:P) will get to watch it at the iim indore alumni meets all over the country on 27th...

this means, so far this summer i have designed/made (by designed i mean worked on it from scratch):

4 brochures
1.5 movies
1 newsletter
1 invitation
0.5 handbook
along with scores of templates, motivational notes (:P), ppts......

i think its a sign.... i think my career lies in media/design/advertising.....
why else would i get a design job during my internship in a bank as an MBA student!

hmmmm....

summertime......

2006-04-29T03:33:00.000+05:30

got into bombay about 4 weeks ago for summer and my internship - my first ever job stint.
this place is hot, sticky, dirty and traveling is bloody time consuming... but it's my city and i love it alright :)

started off on my summers on the 3rd and the fact that its only now that i've gotten the time to update my blog is an indication of the way things are going. busy as hell. have no time for anything. its been four weeks since ive started reading a really interesting book and cant read more than 2 pages a day before i fall asleep of pure exhaustion. and add to that, one fourth of these four weeks have been spent being ill coz of a combination of heat, traveling and overexhaustion...
whoever said MBA was hard work, s/he was definitely talking about the internship part of it!

on another note, the first wedding of our batch at iim indore will be this sunday. which is how i came to attend a sangeet ceremony for the first time today. it was really nice. there was so much warmth and family feeling in everything taking place (knocking on wood here :) there were little dances that were put up by the family members right from the old aunties down to the little kids. and the groom and bride looked so happy to be getting married, it felt really nice being there :)

the first list of our fachchas is out and its pretty entertaining to read their mails and questions.. entertaining just coz it reminds me of the kind of doubts and worries i had before i got there; only to realize none of it mattered (i remember asking some of our seniors how many sarees to carry along and whether i could get frozen food with me.... sheesh! : ).... in a way it makes me feel old. :( cant believe one more year and ill be out of the place...
more unbelivable (atleast to me) is the fact that due to a very unfortunate combination of circumstances, i will be finding myself pretty jobless in my second year... not doing iris, not doing utsaha... for the first time in my life, im facing a year with no major extra curricular activities planned... feels really strange... :(

fear

2006-03-15T06:17:00.000+05:30

when you do something not because you want to do it/like doing it/have to do it but only because you're too scared of the absolutely ridiculous consequences of not having done it...
it loses all meaning

absolutely senseless it might seem.. but i had to get it out

also.. my hand is acting weird coz my back is acting weird.. as a consequence i cant type or write much...

also... i tend to make less sense with each passing minute when i'm up an entire night

:)

farewell!

2006-03-04T13:42:00.000+05:30

the last few are leaving today...
the campus seems empty... when you are only 230-odd (pun intended!) people on a 200 acre campus, the sudden disappearance of half the population makes quite a difference....
every alternate door has a padlock on it... walking through the corridors, you can see spirals and textbooks lying outside every room, relics of the 'MBA'... standing in the 'D' looking around the hostels, it seems like a pattern - lights out in every alternate room... spamming on the newsgroups is down to a record low....
it's been an emotional week for most people on campus... beginning with the farewell (first edition! :D), the record breaking final placements, the final edition of the farewell and the last party with people getting drunk and emotional all over the place... yearbooks, packing, farewell dinners, final good-bye's.....

and then again it's surprising how quickly we've stepped into our new role...
work on IRIS 2006 and UtsAha! '07 are well under way, electives are being finalized, the exchange program students will be finalized in a week, the interest clubs are planning out their activities for the coming year, summer project details have begun to flow in, hostels and flats are being booked, trips are being planned...

signing off with lyrics of 'circle of life' from the lion king (gosh! ive changed!!)

From the day we arrive on the planet
And blinking, step into the sun
There's more to see than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done
There's far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round

It's the Circle of Life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the Circle
The Circle of Life

first nightout! :D

2006-02-19T08:24:00.000+05:30

seems rather impossible a situation for someone suffering from chronic insomnia... but last night (today??) happened to be my first total night out here at IIM I :o) i mean, there have been times (practically every alternate day in the recent past) where i've slept at 6 or 7 a.m. if only for a couple of hours, but i did catch some sleep... however, today, the fact that im awake at 8:45 a.m. after having had breakfast without having slept a wink.... certifies this as being my first night out! :D

had a party last night... considering the senior batch is going to be leaving campus in about 10 days, the culcom parties are being made more special.. the theme this time was 'angels and demons' which had all the men dressed in black and the women in white (rather appropriate! :oP what say!!) there was also this range of activities based on each of the seven deadly sins.. was quite interesting...
anyway, the party was great (as all the parties ehre are :o) danced till about 5 when i was almost the only person left on the dance floor.. then sat chatting with a friend for a couple of hours.... by then as it was already morning, we decided to go for a long pending early morning bike ride along the bombay-agra highway... was an awesome ride... got back to rau (the village near where the institute is located) and had 'poha and chai' at this tiny roadside place (another IIMI tradition that is followed after every early morning ride).... all in all, its been a brilliant morning...

now to go sleep.....

blah

2006-02-12T17:31:00.000+05:30

exams should never be interrupted by holidays. you tend to lose whatever flow you've developed and then end up feeling too lazy to get back to it again...
precisely the situation i find myself in right now... two exams were followed by 2 long lazy holidays and now with a midterm and an endterm tomorrow... i just dont feel like studying at all.. :o(
on the brighter side, by this time day after, ill be done with all exams! (for now atleast)

however, things are beginning to get more interesting on the non-academic side. for one, the exchange program process will start soon and there's tons of groundwork to be done before that. it's a bit overwhelming actually, the amount of work that can be done and the responsibility attached to it.. and moreover it's gonna be for the first time that our committee is gonna be a part of the process... it's a little scary but at the same time very exciting!

guess i'd better get back to capital market theory and asset pricing models.... (phew! cant believe i'm using these words! :P)

test

2006-02-12T05:38:00.000+05:30

front view of the academic block at IIM Indore...

basically, just testing to see how picasa works :)

summer times :)

2006-02-10T05:52:00.000+05:30

my summers offer letter is finally here. though i dont have the project details yet (for those who don't know, i will be working with HSBC) i've been told that the posting is in mumbai. and that's pretty much all i've been thinking and talking about ever since! :D... m gonna be home!! :D

other things.... its exam time once again.. just got done with the Quantitative Techniques 3 endterm which was probably the worst QT paper ever... came back and slept out all my anger (:P) bad idea....... it's 6:07 a.m and i'm still wide awake... my body clock is so screwed up!

i've finally made the first draft of my electives for next year and very surprisingly i'm opting for maximum credits in Fin!... all in all it's a healthy mix... i think except for IT, have courses in all areas...

guess i've gotta try catch some sleep... have a paper tomorrow as well.. Managing Human Resources... (the most globe subject ever!)
will sign off with a quote from our MHR book..

'The first step in managing any emotional reaction is recognizing the presence of the emotion' :oP

nostalgia

2006-02-07T11:07:00.000+05:30

early morning... could hear the birds chirping outside my window. the sound was so... well the only appropriate word here seems 'natural'... that it felt relaxing... i actually stopped my work to look outside. now, i'm someone who generally keeps complaining about the location of my room (along with everything else) coz the view is well.. that of a wall of rock and mud (the side of the hill that was cut to make room for this building) seperated by the road leading to the academic block.... but i guess the reason i dont appreciate my room is coz i'm never awake (rather, it's when i'm just about going to sleep) at the time of the morning when the sunlight slowly creeps up the hill and everything is so golden and beautiful... and then the sound of the birds...

went for a walk. it was breathtakingly awesome. the fields in the distance, the warm glow of sunlight falling on the buildings in the academic block and reflecting off the freshly painted road dividers.... for all that i'm going on about it, it's perhaps only the third early morning walk i've been on since i got here 7 months ago... what a waste... though, i can't believe it's been just 7 months, feels like i've been here forever.. then again it sometimes feels like it was only yesterday that i came to campus for the first time.
i still remember every moment of the journey, the feeling i had the first time i saw the huge entrance gates, coming up the long winding road to the hostel, seeing my room for the first time, setting up my room with mum, being thoroughly confused as to how to get around the different blocks (even a week after i got here), the massive sense of relief on seeing a remotely familiar face...

looking back, it seems so ironic. faces that were familiar and comforting the day i got here are far from being the faces that are comforting today. in fact, quite the opposite. people, who in my first week here i was sure i would never like or get along with, are the same people i know i'm going to miss the most in a few weeks.

it's down to less than a month to go now for our seniors to leave campus and people are getting nostalgic and sentimental all over the place. and for once, i can actually understand what it's about. today, i can't imagine leaving this place. for over 7 months, almost my entire life has revolved around these 192 acres and the people in it. and its only been 7 months.
for the seniors, who have spent three times as much time here, it's gonna be a hell of a lot more difficult.

well thats all the nostalgia i have time for right now. have a class in 5 minutes for which i have to run up this road behind my window, up a million stairs to the classroom for a 70 minute class on organisational dynamics and design....
nah... can't get myself to complain about this place today.. i love every bit of it :o)

change

2006-02-06T02:03:00.000+05:30

why do people change?

i mean, i understand how change is good and change is important for evolution and growth and all that, but somethings are best left the way they are...

like faith in the fact that doing the right thing always works out in the end

like the desire to learn something new everyday, explore the world

like passion and enthusiasm towards work however irrelevant

like idealism and the belief that there can exist a perfect world

like the lack of hesitation in speaking your mind for fear of being politically incorrect

like the ability to be optimistic however dismal the situation might be

like being able to laugh and cry equally passionately

like the ability to dream big without worrying about 'practical realities'

i don't wanna grow up :o(

to blog or not to blog?

2006-02-02T10:29:00.000+05:30

to be honest, i dont know what to do with this blog of mine. firstly, i've realised, there are not that many people who really care about what happens in the life of a 22 yr-old, single, MBA student anyway.
secondly, there is no real point to anything i write anyway... as the title very appropriately says... these are just random, vague thoughts... do not really discuss issues.. (or business topics as would seem appropriate here...) was debating on taking it off the 'blogosphere'... but then figured... heck! there must be other idiots like me (:D) interested in the happenings of others' lives.

so here goes... :)

three politically turbulent (:P) weeks on campus ended with the new SWAC being elected in along with the secretarys of the interest clubs. (yours truly is honoured to be elected what seems to be like the first ever female member on the executive council of the SWAC in the role of the stepcom secretary :D).. went through some amazing periods of stress and emotional turmoil (i do have a tendency to exaggerate! :P) but at the end of it, i'm only happy for all that happened :o)

post that, its been parties galore. to be honest, i've actually gotten fed up of eating outside and seem close to craving mess food (shudder!!!)... here's a glimpse into my 'happening' (:P) life

22nd jan - won the election so treat at pizza hut
23rd jan - co-member on the stepcom (and strongest supporter! :) and me celebrate at little italy
23rd jan (yes a second dinner in the same night) - ePGP hosted dinner for the SWAC EC
24th - (after spending a day in bed with a bad stomach) dinner at mcdonalds
25th - long delayed summer placement party on campus
26th - rang de basanti followed by dinner from midway
27th - dinner with tanvis sister.... followed by the most eventful day ive had in indore.... included pushing a car up and down a parking lot, making three trips to the city in a rickety rickshaw late at night, losing my wallet... all this with strained muscles in both legs! :'( (that was one horrible day!)
29th - utsAha! dinner at sayaji
31st - culcom party (one fun night! :D)
1st feb - SWAC EC dinner at OPM den...

i do have in interesting social calendar dont i! :D
(need not be mentioned that my diet has gone for a toss and my poor lil' tummy is under a lot of stress!) :(

Deepti Deeply Depressed

2006-01-15T14:18:00.000+05:30

This is an excerpt from the lovely literature that is developed in our classroom on a rather regular basis by a lit goddess and this ameteur poet. For reasons of privacy, it has been edited.
I guess it best describes my state of mind today

Me:

Deepti Deeply Depressed

Done bad in almost all subjects so far
No where is my performance remotely above par
The memory of how I used to be does my conscience jar
What have I done with my life, yaar!

Have done terribly in MAC and Finance,
To be honest, I haven’t given myself a chance
All I have done is about the city of Indore prance
And at all the parties mindlessly dance!

Not just my room, my life is a mess
Every day the thought does me depress
I’m starting to like this place less and less
But I don’t know what to do now, I must confess

I’ve become lazy, I read no more
Even the newspaper seems such a bore
Don’t sleep soundly, don’t even snore
All I have done really is scream in a store*

(Manan wrote something here which i do not have a copy of)

Tanvi:(in response to manan's question)

Why is Deepti sad and depressed you ask,
She is used to being busy with productive tasks
Yet to get used to the idea of a free ride
Not learning anything new hurts her pride.

Being a software engineer prepares the ground,
For sleeping with eyes open among the hullabaloo and the sound
She was unlucky to have been untrained in that art,
She still hopes to do her part

The movie “office space” scared her quite a bit,
Through the entire movie she could not sit,
The ennui and the helplessness got her to the core,
She had hoped work would not be such a bore.

* - refers to an episode at Westside here at Indore where i was subject to some 'wonderful' customer service. however, in their defense, the day after i screamed in the store (it was a multifaceted terrible experience), i get a huge bouquet of roses and a box of pastry as an apology! :D

back on campus

2005-12-27T15:09:00.000+05:30

and yes... term three has officially begun

have been here a day and already feel like i didnt go home at all... (the food is almost over and classes are on in full swing... :o)
i did miss this place while i was home.. unlike the last vacation when we were just 2 1/2 months old in the insti and so didnt miss it all that much, 3 months more and some things about this place have just grown on me

like...
coffee and tea being available at 4 a.m. at the turn of a tap
not having to pay for packaged foodstuff and chocolate :P (it has been my undoing these past 6 months)
never having to carry a wallet around with me
no dust and smoke in the air
long winding roads ideal for a stroll (unlike the filth and dirt on the roads in mumbai which make them unwalkable... i do love mumbai! :)
no crowds to wrestle with while getting from one place to the other
being able to walk into someones room at unearthly hours for a chat (and not having to worry about whether theyre awake or not)
movies on the LAN
complaining about the mess food outsiders seem to enjoy...

hmmmm.... does feel good to be back :o)

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-25T01:04:00.000+05:30

Deck the halls with boughs of holly.. fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
It's the season to be jolly... fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Merry Christmas to all!! :oD

being home

2005-12-22T12:52:00.000+05:30

my second visit home since i left for indore.... (feels strange to say "i'm visiting home")
if i ever thought things would change or that i would have trouble adjusting to things back home... i was mistaken.. thats one thing about home... u dont need to adjust to it.. its always who you are...

drinking good coffee with a long lazy breakfast (being able to laze around in the morning as against running for class!) , meeting up with friends i've known forever, feasting at old little kabab joints and udupi restaurants we used to frequent not so long ago, sitting up late at night with my best friends discussing every minute detail of our lives, shopping for clothes (and computer hardware... something ive never done before!).... helping my mum around the house, getting updated on the occupational, educational, locational and marital status of the members of my extended family, putting up decorations for christmas, helping roll the kalkals (ok i haven't done that yet! :D) tasting prototypes of christmas cake, chocolate, marzipan, date rolls.. et al... going carolling at night (and its not even freezing cold.. yay!) and having all the neighbourhood kids follow us and santa...

familiar people, familiar places, familiar events... feels good to be home.. :o)

exam week

2005-12-10T22:21:00.000+05:30

once again.. its exam time...
if theres one thing about IIM I life thats thoroughly well documented in my blog its the examinations.... no real surprise actually, exams are the only times i actually have some time for myself... ergo... i blog
not just blogging actually, lots of stuff happens in this one 'eventful' week; long walks, overdue laundry, chatting with long lost friends on messenger, chatting with the person 2 rooms away from me on messenger, eating chocolate like crazy, (eating anything like crazy :o( ), watching movies (though im still a novice at this, dont really have the guts to watch an entire movie with the exams around), copying music, exercising... name it... i have time for all of it at exam time... of course in between one has to study...
in fact those with birthdays during the exams benefit the most from this wonderful mood..
term 1, the evening before the MAC and microeco endterms, we went to mhow to shop for birthday presents and cake and then spent the night decorating the birthday boys' room with streamers, balloons... all the works!
term 2 midterms, the evening before the macroeco paper, we spent the entire evening (scouring for) and wrapping 22 presents for someones 22nd birthday... (very cheesy i know but it was fun!)..

basically, the moral of the story is: it's exam time at IIMI and i'm very wella right now! :D

losing my direction...

2005-12-02T04:41:00.000+05:30

... if i ever had any that is........

im supposed to be getting answers here, not more questions...
im supposed to figure out what i want in life
im supposed to figure out who i really am
im supposed to know so much more!!!......

all ive managed to do is get more confused.. more disoriented... and completely irritated (at myself)

to add to it are movies like office story (or something like that) that i saw today..... freaked me out thoroughly.. felt so claustrophobic seeing the movie, i dont know how id ever survive that kind of life.. one tiny cubicle... an irritating boss... monotonous job.... and NO PASSION!!!!!

i can already see myself heading that way..
back home i used to read like crazy.... today, ive completely lost interest.... used to doodle a bit, do some artsy stuff occasionally... no more... hvnt solved a crossword in ages... even sudoku i dont feel like doing anymore... where in the world have i lost myself!!

2005-11-28T05:45:00.000+05:30

loooooonng day...
started off at 8:15 when i rushed up to the acad block. the notice had said 'report for industrial visit at 8:15 sharp' and i was already late. didnt even get a chance to say a proper goodbye to my parents who were here for the weekend.
8:45 the second person arrives. the bus left at 9:15... guess i should have listened to the instructions more carefully :(
anyway... the industrial trip was to this textile company called 'maral overseas' which is located about 100 km from here (or so it seemed).... was a long 3 hr bus journey each way!! :(..
the trip itself was good. the plant was rather interesting. these people do everything right from processing the cotton to spinning, weaving, and final manufacturing of garments. we even got a bit of shopping done at their factory outlet and man! the stuff was cheeeap!! :D
got back dead tired at 8 in the evening... one book report due (by now ive lost enthu in the machine that changed the world - more of a liability now than an interesting read).. one massive marketing assignment due... fin class tomorrow needs reading up... and this is also the most boring post ever... (even by my standards :P).. im bored writing it!

desperate hostelites!

2005-11-25T22:13:00.000+05:30

its a craze... its the latest fad to hit A block... ive caught on a little late but im altmost thru with most of it....
desperate housewives is bringing A block together like nothing else has (actually lots of stuff has :) ... come to think of it, we've had a lot of 'bonding' activities in the past few days) anyway, im onto the last episode and now i dont wanna know if i wanna watch it to the end... will leave me with nothing much to do... 'cept for studying... :(
guess will have to move on to that now... coz i dont think i can keep that last episode waiting.... :D
on another note, as part of an assignment, ive been reading this book, 'the machine that changed the world'..all about the lean production system in place at toyota.. this is perhaps the one 'management' related book ive read this year.. and im really finding it interesting... and im happiest about the fact that im finally finding something im doing here interesting.... of all the subjects weve been doing this term, ive really liked ops and fin.... not that im doing too great at either but the fact that im finding it interesting (thats the third time ive used the word interesting in 3 lines....) it's a start
anyway, our newest international student exchange program is underway! and on a personal front, im happy that im finally doing something as a member of the SWAC apart from well.... hospitality and brochure making and lots of googling!! :D

???

2005-11-17T22:46:00.001+05:30

CAT 2005 is in two days and it feels like ages since i gave the CAT last year! everything thats happened in the past year seems... well... surreal!

i remember not even being sure about wanting to do an MBA.... last year, even at this time i was hell bent on giving the UPSC exams in a few years... i had bigger dreams at that time, wanted to join the IAS, work for change, or alternatively work in a social organisation, do something worthwhile......

i've left my idealistic way of thinking far behind. started off with one thing and then another and now here i am having completely forgotten who i used to be. almost like i've broken ties with the person i was, perhaps the person i really am. on rare occasions when i think back i feel terrible coz i don't know where i'm headed. one year ago i knew where i wanted to be. today, im just drifting.

then again, it may be for the better. i'm learning a lot more here. maybe its all about exploring other options, maybe its about meeting amazing people, maybe its about learning to balance a million things at the same time, maybe its learning to cope with pressure..... i don't know.... i wish i did.....

but getting back to my point.... surreal is the only word that can describe the past year... all those sim cats, and the GDPI prep, and the waiting.... ohhhh the waiting was the worst part... but then it all worked out just fine and here i am, 1/4th of an MBA already!! :) and in these five months ive learnt more than i ever have and had some of the best times of my life....

so for all those giving the CAT this year, All the Best!!

its just the beginning of whats probably gonna be the best days of your life! :)

been so long!

2005-11-17T22:46:00.000+05:30

i guess more than a month!
anyway, the reason for my long absence was the absolute lack of stuff to do... add to that the aversion i developed for writing after making innumerable press releases for IRIS...
IRIS was great fun though.. reminded me of malhar. of course, malhar being malhar and xaviers being in mumbai, the scale was much larger (though i never understood why over 20,000 seemingly normal people waited in looooonnnnngggg queues outside xaviers for approximately 3 hours of being pushed and shoved around and ultimately asked to leave by the 'crowd control' dept..... makes no sense at all! - of course, helped malhar rake in tons of revenue!) again, people used to die to participate in the events and the prizes used to be measley crap like a car freshener (yes.. they gave a car freshener once for some event!)
anyway, here the deal is a bit different.. the participants live on campus - and in my room (i was conveniently thrown out of my own room after being made to clean it.... of course i was the one who volunteered :) and the prize money is..... whoa!!...... i mean the flagship event ashwamedh itself comes with a cool Rs. 1 lakh... and even the smaller spot events have cash prizes of around 5-10000 bucks... the events themselves are rather cool.... designed pretty well..
ill stop this now or one might think this is just one more 'plug'

pa para ra ra ra!!! it's exam time....... again

2005-10-15T03:48:00.000+05:30

barely done with the navratra celebrations and in 4 days we have exams.... again!
this is crazy! it really is.... not that i thought things were going to be a cakewalk here but being in it is a totally different experience.
the past week i've barely slept more than 3 hours a night and only on 2 days did i manage to sneak in a nap between classes. its not like im getting any studying done either. all i have managed to do so far is just about finish my assignments.
let me illustrate by describing my day today.... looking at it technically (from 00:00 hrs) i began the day with one strong cup (glass?) of coffee to keep me awake the next 5 hrs. had a marketing presentation to prepare, followed by a capacity planning report. my comp was acting all weird so that effectively doubled the amount of time i took to finish my work. came back at 4:30 am.. tried to study for a while. ended up reading one page of macro. slept at 6. woke up at 8:30 thoroughly disoriented. rushed to class where (my luck) we didnt have to present our analysis (always happens when i spend an entire night trying to make a ppt look good).. rushed back between classes to complete some pending work. ran back up for the next class at the end of which a macro quiz is announced. No chance to study as we had another class in between. skipped lunch to try studying (stupid thing to do). bad quiz. came back half-dead. went straight to sleep. woke up 3 hrs later again disoriented. dinner followed by some work. went for a long walk after that. came back at 12. did the assignment for the next day. comp was even worse today. was taking forever. tinkered around for a while and got it fixed (i hope it is fixed!).... felt all cool about myself about doing it... and so celebrated by doing nothing for about an hour. realized there is a quiz announced for tomorrow. started studying. 2 hrs later im only one chapter down (and about a million more to go)
but i'm not complaining. i asked for this!!

happy days are here again!

2005-10-11T00:37:00.001+05:30

its navratra season at IIM Indore and the festive cheer has spread all over campus!! there is a huge durga pandal put up outside the mess (although the idol inside very unfortunately happens to be a santoshi ma one! :D)
anyway, its a whole week of activities planned out with durga pujas and dandiya performances, rangoli making and rosgolla eating contests, lagori and kabaddi matches, tug-of-war, pot painting contests, a big bengali dinner..... phew!!
last night my room was full of people making ravan's heads!! it was a lot of fun drawing, painting, cutting... felt like i was a kid again...(though prem bai had a tough time this morning cleaning all the paint stains!) later in the night we had a practice session for the dandiya performance. well, it started off as practice but within no time it was a free-for-all.... it was so much fun! thats the great thing about dandiya, you can dance and dance and you'll never know how tired you are. (its only when you go to your room and start working on your assignment that you realize you dont even have the energy to walk the one step to your bed... and so end up sleeping on your comp! :D... been there done that! ;)
this evening we had the rangoli contest, pot painting, lagori and i think kabaddi is happening right now! and guess what!! my team won at lagori!!!! woo hoo!! (little extra enthu that comes with all this festive atmosphere!) honestly, the last time i played lagori was perhaps 10-15 years ago... its like at B-school, i get to be a kid again!
anyway... have huge assignments due this week. we had yesterday free (a free sunday is a rarity) and just one class today.... it has actually spoilt me... i dont feel like going for any more classes now..... im fed up!!!! i only want to dance dandiya and play lagori all day! (:D hee hee!!)
anyway, summs have just arrived for another round of dandiya practice... gotta go!

happy days are here again!

2005-10-11T00:37:00.000+05:30

lots of stuff

2005-10-07T00:11:00.000+05:30

phew!
i remember being warned about second term before i got here. i didn't think it was possible to be busier than i already was... i should've believed them
this term is killing.

first there are academics, which are scary. i dont want to mention more here coz even thinking about it scares the hell out of me. in the past 7 days we have had 3 quizzes in fin alone. mktg too, 3 quizzes in 6 classes. in fact we started our marketing course with a quiz.

then there is iris, which is on full swing. visit www.iimi-iris.com to see the stuff thats happening there.

then there are trips with my class to places like sitaladevi falls. stuff i wouldn't miss for the world (though i almost did!). it was awesome!!!
21 bikes. 41 people. 4 waterfalls. 2 flat tyres. 8 cups of hot tea (as we waited in a little shed getting a tyre fixed while it was pitch dark and pouring outside). 100's of photographs. A million memories.

then there was the need for speed challenge. This awesome gaming event conducted by the ITCom. it was such good fun. i even made it to the semi-finals!!!!! (and thats quite an achievement for me considering i played the game for the first time the previous day)

and amidst all that are the things we (or atleast i) have to do to keep me going. long walks (our campus is beauuutiful!), movies (though i always end up falling asleep in the first half hr or so!), dinners (recently, we also went to this place called chokhi dhani, which is this recreated rajasthani village with food, dancing etc. was good fun), drives (namrata has got her car for a month. its party time in A-block!!!), cleaning my room (rearranged all the furniture yesterday to make it more study friendly!)

anyway.. gotta go back to the WIP (sad joke!)...

IRIS!

2005-09-22T01:06:00.000+05:30

Its barely been a week since we got back from the 'holidays' and things have swung right back into action.
Academically, the only word that can be used to describe this term so far (one week in total) is - overwhelming. We have a workload like never before. Most courses this term seem Fin oriented and for someone like me who 3 months ago could barely spell 'Finance', it couldn't get better than this (i'm being sarcastic here.. just clarifying :)
And while thats all happening, there is IRIS.
IRIS is the annual festival of IIM Indore and its going to be held between the 10th and 13th of november. Preparations are underway and it just feels so exciting (my name is on the brochure! :D) in the beginning of the year, our seniors told us that if there is one thing for which everyone here gives their all, its IRIS. and i can see how that is true.
check out the iris website. its still under construction but whatever is up looks nice.
thats it from me.. (one more minute and ill be fast asleep)

home sweet home

2005-09-11T13:01:00.000+05:30

seems like i just got home and its almost time to leave... i havent even got a chance to meet most of my friends! (thanks to the spoilsport rains) everytime plans are made, there are either havy rains or a flood alert.... bah!
have managed to have a good time nevertheless. did a bit of shopping, got a new hairstyle (!!) , met a few friends, slept a lot, and yes i am eating like there is no tomorrow!!! :) ahh!! the joys of being home!
mumbai on the other hand is as festive as ever, it being ganesh chaturthi. there is a sarvajanik ganesh mandal just outside my gate and every night there is some 'event' happening. (my little neighbour went for the fancy dress contest dressed as colgate!! :D).. the rains although poorly timed do make everything look so nice and fresh (though everytime it rains, the person i happen to be with at that time begins to recount his/her experience during the flood in july - man! mumbai had it bad those days)
had the iim i alumni party last night. was a lot of fun. met up with a few of our classmates. we didnt really know too many of our seniors so it was quite boring in the start but then once the music and dancing started (and once everyone had had a few drinks), age and batch seniority were no bar... everyone was out to prove how stupid they could look while dancing! it was good fun!! felt proud to be a part of the IIMI family!! :)

exams?? yawn!!..tell me something new

2005-09-02T03:05:00.000+05:30

i'm back and i'm posting again... this could only mean one thing....

the exams are here!!!!! :D

feels like the midterms just got over... heck they did just get over!
now's the time to remember the gazillion promises i made myself while the midterms were on..

'will study everyday'

'will prepare before class without fail'

'will actively participate in group projects'......

bah! :(

moral of the story: i never learn

on the brighter side..... yippee!!! next wednesday, ill be home!
good food - family - good food - friends - lots of good food - sleep - 'kababs (the one thing im craaaving!) - TV - more good food - mumbai - some more good food - indigestion!! ;o)

ahhh..... home sweet home!! :D

.....

2005-08-17T03:05:00.000+05:30

the past week has ben so much fun... its actually impossible to keep track really of all that has happened... seriously, life here is so full of everything, each day is so packed with such a variety of things that every single day seems special. and when you have a long weekend thrown in between... things just get better! :)
did lots over the weekend (save for all the studying i had planned to do!)..
went for mangal pandey which is the most avoidable movie i've seen in a long time..
went to patal pani which is a waterfall about 20 km from here. it was really cool. the place and the ride there... fantastic..!!
worked my butt off for the HBW asignment which just doesnt seem to get done (im supposed to be working on it right now)...
planted a tree on independence day.. :)
had a brilliant photoshoot (our entire batch) on I-day... All said and done, there are people here with a brilliant eye for art.. (more on the photoshoot later)
had our first exchange students coming in (6 french girls this year)..
and something of historical significance as well... did my first completely correct MAC assignment today!! yay!! :)
(i just have to get back to my HBW assignment... )

22

2005-08-12T04:39:00.000+05:30

i turned 22 this week. my first birthday away from home.
also coincided with my first bath in coke and sprite as also my first 'natural' hair conditioning courtesy a few eggs (make that quite a few eggs)
the party didnt end there
i celebrated my birthday by getting myself stuck for over an hour on the dark and lonely pithampur bypass with 5 guys including a 'tulli'! (:oD), two bikes (one without a key) and no cellphone.
my 'eating only healthy food' resolution also got off to an auspicious start with half a cake being shoved down my throat by very loving friends. (not being sarcastic here :o) although in several cases i had to wait in suspended mode with half the cake in my mouth as the cameras got focussed.
that night i also decided 22 was a good enough age to embarrass myself thoroughly by dancing impromptu before an audience
(and before i forget, for all that i didn't manage to do by the time i was 22, i did fall off a bike just the day before... no injury thank you..)

and here i am 4 days later, celebrating what just might be my first night out here at I. its 5:30 am and i still have lots to do (miles to go!) before i sleep

here's to pre class reading and QT assignments!

ITdhulai

2005-08-07T14:56:00.000+05:30

yesterday was probably one of the most fun days i've had since i got here. we in fact set up a grand A block tradition. and man! did we do it in style.

a little background first.. the IIM I girls hostel (A block) is closed to all men. (except for the top floor which is a boys floor). the only male students allowed inside the girls section of the A block are the members of the IT committee.

after the recent elections we have two brand new, fresh and innocent(?) boys on the ITCom - the chosen ones. yesterday was the first time these fresh and innnocents (?) were to enter the hallowed portals of A block. we therefore thought it only right that we give them an appropriate welcome. a welcome they would never forget!

detailed plans were laid out (with the help of a certain 'ishuuu' :oD). we went to rau and got garlands, mithai (motichoor laddoo no less), a coconut, flowers, some glittery paper etc. responsibilities were assigned and executed with more sincerity than that displayed for any group assignment. subcommittees were formed with two people assigned to obtain cameras, two others to strategically bring the two fresh and innocent (?) boys into the hostel at the same time, two to obtain appropriate music, two to make a little song and dance routine, while the rest handled the logistics of the event which involved doing random stuff right from obtaining bathroom stools and glasses of rice, to de-petalling flowers. (see THIS is what an MBA is all about! :oD). we also had an 'amateur journalist' (;o) who was assigned the responsibility of simply being very observant so that justice could be done to the event when reported.

the drama enfolded thus...

8 pm
two fresh and innocent(?) boys come skipping along, absolutely unaware of what awaits them inside. they are ushered into one room where all the 'defective' computers are brought. unfortunately, the computers happen to be trouble-free. so problems are being invented (the idea was to stall them until we managed to get an audience on the top floor... the PR committee was in overdrive)...

here i have to mention the brilliant problems one of the girls came up with (a computer engineer no less)
"my computer is not switching on... how do i do it?"
"can you set up wi-fi connectivity on my desktop?"
"can you install e-scan for me?" (just as the e-scan window pops up)

anyway, the trick worked and the stage was set
enter about 15 PGP1 girls at the door holding a dupatta like a canopy over the door as "saajan ji ghar aaye' starts playing... before the 2 fresh and innocent(?) boys know what's happening, they're taken to the central courtyard in a 'baraat'. at the entrance to 'centre court' were two glasses of rice which they had to tip over with their feet. A coconut was broken and the pieces distributed.

At this point certain spoilsports on the top foor decided our plan wasn't good enough and so felt it their responsibility to spice up the proceedings by throwing bucketfuls of water onto the crowd.

the two fresh and innocents were now taken to the middle of 'cente court' (this happened to be a rather challenging task as fresh and innocent(?) #1 was putting up quite a fight... the water proved to be too much for him) where they were made to sit on bathroom stools. the music changed to 'wah wah ramji.. jodi kya banayee' as two girls dressed in sarees and big bindis a la 'kyunki saas bhi kabhi....' came dancing in with plates of flowers and mithai (one of them being yours truly) and performed aarti for the two fresh and innocents(?). two others followed with huge garlands (scaring the s*** out of fresh and innocent(?) #1 who made a second unsuccessful attempt at running away.... fresh and innocent(?) #2 on the other hand, seemed to be quite enjoying himself!!)

now came the climax of the program, raksha bandhan!!!!!
hand crafted rakhis artistically made (consisting of a single flower tied to a coir rope.... its all about making the most of available resources!) were tied on the wrists of the A blockers' community 'bhaiyyas' (fresh and innocent(?) #1 suddenly seemed relaxed, while it was the turn of #2 to start putting up a fight)

mujra time!!!!!
for all the effort we girls had put in over the past 2 hours, the two fresh and innocents(?) were asked to dance for us. (f&i(?)#1 by this time seemed willing to do anything to get out of the place as fast as he could while #2 was back to his happy self.. he didnt mind dancing in the centre of a circle of 20 women!! :oD)

the spoilsports on the second floor now decided they wanted more action than plain mujra and so decided to get very innovative and throw water... once again

thus ended (rather unceremoniously) our 'initiation into the girls hostel' ceremony...

whatever said and done, it was good fun. although, aul our dance practice was in vain (:oD) we did manage to make our dear fresh and innocents(?) feel welcome and at home! ;o)

what was more fun was the planning that went into it. the enthusiasm with which it was all conducted. of course the reactions of the two fresh and innocents(?) was also rather entertaining!!
here's to more faulty computers and viruses!
--------
edit... some pics

i actually won!!

2005-08-03T01:49:00.000+05:30

just got back from the results of the elections to our student council. and guess what, i won!! im now officially a member of StEPCom(student exchange program committee)

other things....
have an MTO exam tomorrow. 10 chapters to do, im done with only 1
its 1:30 a.m., think ill go put my clothes to wash
hv an accounting pre class reading to do... (have spent the last half hr debating on whether to first do MTO or MAC)
almost everyone i voted for made it to the SWAC! (yay!!).. and the coolest part is that this time we actually have women on the council! 4 of us! (small beginnings?! :o)...
had our class photograph today..... it was really cool except for the fact that we had to get up at 6 am to wear a saree, and then walk through wet mud in them..
also had a photo shoot today... (hee hee!!) was a lot of fun actually... posing on the terrace with an empty coffee mug and books i have never bothered to open before this!

... i guess i have to get back to my MTO at some point now... its already 2 a.m.... eeks!

exams!

2005-07-31T22:34:00.000+05:30

heres my two paise worth for anyone who plan on joining a b-school...

quit whatever you're doing and switch over to commerce!.. NOW!!

accounts is crazy!! its a lot of fun but its still crazy. especially when there are less than 11 hrs to go before class after which is gonna be the accounts midterm. not to forget, the photoshoot we have in the morning (for which i have to wear a saree mind you) which leaves me with a grand total of about 7 hours to try and figure out the deal with balance sheets, P/L accounts, income statements (still not sure of theyre the same thing) cash flow statements, journals, ledgers..... well i've exhausted my accounts 'jargon' ;o)
and then theres always the possibility that ill be called for some meeting or another at 2 am (honestly, the first time that happened i was pretty amazed!)

why... why... why do i always leave things for the last?
and why... why... why is that that tomorrow evening im sure to get back to doing nothing to prepare for the next exam?

u know the thing here is that most people are quite smart. and the other thing is that if ur smart and pay just this much attention in class, youll get away with a bare amount of studying coz its all logic and application based anyway...
now when surrounded with people like that, people like me get into the same mood....
the consequence..... 5 weeks of total 'doing nothing'

----------

edit: paper wasn't all that bad.... still waiting for photoshoot!
and on a happier note.... i got a temporary lappie! yay! :o)

generally.....

2005-07-30T20:10:00.000+05:30

its been so long since ive logged on to blogger! i cant believe im here and not posting.....
so much been happening that it no longer feels new. been here just over a month and i feel like its been forever. i mean were already having our midterms (as usual, the only time i end up doing vella giri on the comp is exam time)... and theyre going quite crappy.. actually only one was bad... strangely enough the only paper im doing badly at is HBW (or OB as some call it) - human behavior at work... and to think just 6 months ago i was so upset at not making it to XL to specialize in PMIR! it all does happen for a reason, doesn't it!
having a really good time here... save for the fact that i still dont have my lappie..(bah!) course wise, im surprisingly happy. wuts most surprising is that im not doing too badly either. ok, so i do have a couple of Cs in quizzes (damn HBW!) but im really enjoying many of the courses we have..
non academically, things are even better! :oD .....its a lot of fun.. up untill last week we had parties every weekend. though i missed out on 2 of them coz i was down with gastroentitis(!)... but the ones i did go for were toooo much fun! people here are also great. honestly, i can't believe i didn't know most of them untill last month...
i have so much to write that i dont think ill do any of it justice now.... its more fun to update when ur still in 'the mood'! anyway now on.. i shud be posting more often and hopefully more interesting posts too!

im back

2005-07-06T11:44:00.000+05:30

me: cooled down
issue: cleared up. ;o)

but too busy to post right now. will do so soon. (as soon as i have my laptop)

when someone spoils it for you

2005-06-30T14:49:00.000+05:30

you start off something with the best intentions and someone screws it up for you.
they look at things with their warped vision and use other people to settle their scores.
the worst kind of people in the world.

i plead innocent.
the last of my blogs.
thank you.

Ive been tagged

2005-06-27T19:23:00.000+05:30

i finally managed to figure out what this tagging thing is all about. so with due apologies to chandoo for the delay....
1) A Fine Balance: Rather disturbing but in a way its a rather interesting read. The story, set in Mumbai, revolves around the lives of a group of individuals all following their different dreams. the story oscillates between hope and despair which makes it rather upsetting and sometimes even unbelievable. in fact, whats most disturbing about the story is the realization that it could easily be the story of any of the millions of mumbaikars.... its that realistic
2) Aparajito: The sequel to 'Pather Panchali' Bibhutibhushan Bandhopadhyay's classic (made into a movie by Satyajit Ray) its a beautifully written story about the beauty and richness of life. exhilerating book this one.
3) The Golden Gate (novel in verse by Vikram Seth): i blogged about this book before (im not sure now) anyway, its a good read (as are most of vikram seths books!! - im a major seth fan). story based in san francisco revolving around love, relationships, life etc (dont get me wrong, its definitely not a mush book)
4) Three Men in a Boat: Jerome K Jeromes classic. fantastic writing style. extremely witty. (didnt finish the book though.. was reading it just before i left)
5) The Hobbit: JRR Tolkein (this again i couldnt finish as my mother started reading it when i was half done and the story ended there for me) whatever i read of this book i loved. dont know why i have this huge affinity towards childrens books (must be something about like minds! ;o)

there im done with my list of 5, though its not in any specific order. its my turn to tag now and i do it to abhinav, mathur and saurabh

im here!!

2005-06-23T15:03:00.000+05:30

well i came in over 2 days ago so the initial super enthusiasn has died down a bit. but im still very enthu and all ga-ga about this place!!
IIM Indore is awesome!!Its still not resplendent in natural beauty but supposedly thats because the rains have not set in properly as yet. but the very aura of the place, the ambience.. its wonderful! i suddenly feel very grown up. in fact for the first time in my life, im with people who are far older than me. im so used to being among the bigger ones that this feels weird! the day i came in the watchman actually asked me if i wasnt too young to be studying here!
i was one of the first ones to arrive and therefore for the first day i felt a bit out of place. fortunately sanika came in by evening and things were better. i took her out on a super long walk all the way to the ATM at the main gate (for which im sure shes never gonna forgive me! ;o).. sorry sanika!!) spent all of yesterday walking about the campus exploring the place and also welcoming in all the newer people to come into A block which is the girls hostel. this year there are more girls than ever before at IIM I. for what i think is the first time, the girls are occupying 2 whole floors of the A block leaving the guys with only one floor in that block (which by the way has a sealed staircase leading there!) then the B, C, D blocks are all for the boys (or should i say gentlemen PGP participants!) the hostel rooms are really nice, quite spacious with a decent amount of furniture provided by them. good facilities and so far good mess as well!
classes (prep course) began today along with Physical Fitness and Health Management class. it was crazy getting up at 6 am for one hour of exercise and that was followed by one hour of meditation/vipassana class. now that wouldnt have been so bad had i not slept at 3 am after spending most of the night writing a report on my analysis of the 'applications of murphys laws to management'!!! get that!! assignments even before the classes have actually begun! and the worst part is that we werent really sure if the notice was genuine or a hoax put up by some seniors.. so we didnt even start until late night after 1130 coz at 11 we had a meeting with the senior girls of our block.. that was really nice actually(the meeting with the senior girls not the assignment)...
anyway it turned out my report was too short (only 9 pages and she wants a minmimum of 15!) so here i am whiling away my time at the computer centre (our lappies are not here yet) hoping my report extends itself to double its size in the next 1 hr.... actually, hope it works in the next 20 minutes coz i gotta go for chai at 4! ;o) (im actually living to eat here!! barely finished lunch and here i am waiting for tea!!!)
anyway.. guess ill have to go type something more in my report (or add more spaces in between the lines!!)
more updates later!

leaving

2005-06-20T00:32:00.000+05:30

less than 20 hours before I leave. got this queasy feeling in my tummy (or must be the junk food I ate!). wasn’t feeling too weird about leaving up until this morning. then I spoke to a friend who recreated the leaving scene (with added masala) and now im feeling….. weird.

honestly, even right now, more than feeling sad about leaving home, im excited to be going to a new place. but then I think of my family and I start feeling weird. its still not this sense of painful separation. rather more like I know that im gonna be in a weird emotional situation while saying goodbye. (I don’t think im making sense to anyone else…but what the heck! this is my blog. its for me to understand!) (and yes. ive used the word ‘weird’ way too often… weird! ;o)

packing is all almost done. just got a few bits and pieces left to put in. gotta get my medical certi tomorrow (last minute rush!) and also gotta collect the passport photos. the past few days have gone just saying bye to people. (in fact, in the past week, almost all my lunches and dinners were booked! ;o) ) thankfully got to meet most of my friends. will meet a couple more for breakfast tomorrow. train in the evening…..

last night I finally got a good nights sleep! was completely drained after a very hectic past few weeks…. feeling strong and energetic now! ready to take on the world!!!!! :oD

prep course!

2005-06-16T01:44:00.000+05:30

When I started blogging last yr (inspired by the MBA bloggers like Abhinav, Chandoo, Arvind etc) i promised myself that if i ever got into an IIM, I would write about what was going through my mind before i left for college. things havent really worked out that way (like ive mentioned, ive been extremely busy) but now i shall try and salvage some of my honour :o)

today is thursday. next monday i will be leaving for indore. for the first time in my life i'm gonna be living away from home. but to be really honest, i dont know if im feeling so bad about it. maybe because ive been preparing for it for so long, ive gotten used to the idea of staying away. i was so unhappy doing my msc the past year, that the thought of doing something i want to do is probably making up for any potential sadness! it could also be the fact that im 21 yrs old and think its high time that i became a little independent and lived alone. add to that all the excitement of shopping and packing (which i haven't quite done yet.. its still in the planning stages!) it feels more like im going for a rather long vacation. i guess whatever it is that is supposed to make me feel sad hasn't struck me as yet! :o)
i do feel bad about the fact that i wont be seeing my family and friends for quite a while. in fact i may probably not get a chance to meet my extended family for a very very long time. to be honest im scared that i will lose touch with everyone, even those i care about the most. i never thought it was possible to lose touch with people you are very close to. but with a little bit of experience im now wiser ;o) i think when someone close to you goes away and gets close to a whole new set of people, unless you are willing to deal with the subsequent insecurity and slight jealousy (applicable to me atleast) in a mature way, its pretty hard on the relationship. i really hope i dont make the same mistakes again.
i know im going to be meeting a whole new set of people. with some luck i may find some great friends. but weirdly enough, what im worried about is not what awaits me there but how successfully id be able to keep up relationships back here.
that was about the emotional preparation.

physical preparation... all that i can say about it right now is that its overwhelming!!!
two months ago i started preparing a list of things i would take with me (of course its a colour coded excel document as usual! ;o) today with little over 3 days to go, im still working on the list.
to be really honest things are not in such bad shape. thanks to my list im atleast a little bit in control. some stuff has been packed (and then unpacked as well coz after putting stuff in i realized i desperately wanted to wear it!) most stuff has been washed. lots of stuff needs to be ironed. few things still need to be bought (like the raincoat theyve asked us to get???!!). but all in all i guess things are going smoothly enough.
personally, i consider spiritual health to be as important as physical or mental health. but unfortunately, i dont know what i could do to prepare for two years of relative self sufficiency where it comes to spirituality. i do believe that prayer is a personal issue but when it comes to discussing religious philosophy and ideas (to me, one of the most enriching passtimes) its best to have someone with you coz theres only this much you can do by yourself. i mean how do you debate and argue ideas with yourself! guess ill have to work that one out.

seperation preparation.. (!).. planning to call the 'gang' from college for lunch on friday (if i do remember to invite them in the midst of all this chaos!!) those who cant make it, i guess the next 2 days will be spent calling them to say bye.

went to my homeopath today for 3 months supply of medicine. have a dentist appointment for a cleaning on friday. have to still go to the hospital to get my fitness certificate (im thinking i should perhaps get it from the campus itself). got my vaccinations done.
things do seem quite on track dont they!

phew!

2005-06-15T19:55:00.000+05:30

have never been this busy... ever! (why does it always seem like that!)
in fact it almost hasnt even sunk in that its already june! im still hoping im in may coz thats how much time i think i need to get myself together before i leave for college. i mean theres so much stuff to be done; shopping, packing, meeting up with friends and family......
and the thing is ive done a lot of stuff already, but its all so haphazard that i think theres loads more to do
i dont even know if i need to shop anymore... think ive already overshopped!!! (can there be such a thing!)
guess after tonight (once my house is back to its regular state and only its regular inhbitants) after a good nights sleep (after 2 weeks of 4-hrs-a-night) i will start making more sense...
untill then....
alvidah! :D

drive me crazy...etc..

2005-05-26T15:41:00.000+05:30

ive been trying to rack my brains thinking what possibly could have been so interesting three days ago that i tried so desperately to type out and publish on my blog. i just cannot remember!

so i will tell you the story of my life these days!..... no!!!! please dont leave! :o)

the only thing of a relatively lesser amount of insignificance ive been doing lately is brushing up on my driving skills. every morning at six, a certain mr. gangadhar comes to help 'baby' get some driving practice. poor chap didnt realize what he was getting into. but yes. now, after several near misses at pedestrians, almost being run over by a bus, and and a narrowly avoided head on collision with a truck, he realizes his mistake. young mrs. gangadhar must be wondering whats happened to her dear husbands' head of black hair.
his pupil on the other hand couldn't be happier. someone used to crusing along the bylanes at a modest speed of 20 k.m.p.h. happily zooms along the highway while mr. gangadhar tries his best to signal warnings with his hands... nay, his arms... to the other innocent, totally oblivious, drivers.
(though i must add... this pupil is getting better by the day!! :oD )

after a morning thus well spent, i treat myself to a nice little morning nap. i can sense the bai stare at me sprawled on my bed every morning... eh... what does she know of my morning exertions (excursions?)

now i wouldnt want to waste the entire morning would i? so i get up and make a list of all the things i should do in the day. now, on the days when my taste veers towards the more rustic, i use good ol' pen and paper (i even have a fancy notepad that has a heading 'things to do today' on each page.. but that is used only on special days). when i feel slightly biased towards technology, i use my phone and set alarms for all the to-do's (just to see the flashing lights!! :oD). and when im in my strongest pre-MBA mode, i use an excel spreadsheet. colour coded not less! red, orange, yellow, blue, green in decreasing order of importance. i make time blocks, set deadlines, grade the tasks to be completed and finally go back to sleep.

wake up for lunch, realize ive lost 3 hrs out of my tight schedule and so forget about it altogether (the schedule not the lunch). after lunch i sit down to do what im doing right now (i.e. aimlessly while away my time) for an indefinite period of time.

evening comes. on the days i do manage to make it to the gym, i greet the evening with this feeling of self righteousness. ah! a day well spent. else, i spend the evening with (like minded) 5 yr olds and then say to myself... 'this is what life is meant to be like. i push myself too hard... poor me. i must give myself a break..'

while on the topic of 5 yr olds, i must tell you about my little neighbor boy. not yet 5 but will soon be. and boy! does he have plans for the year. he wants to get married!
he thought it would be ashwini, his best friend from school... but then she did not match his expectations. you see, she was bad at colouring.
so then he looked again. this time he found ishita, his 3 yr old neighbour. now here was a girl who could colour.

he told his mum,

'i want to marry ishita after my 5th bday'

'you cant only ask me you have to ask her mother too'

our hero goes to her mother

'auntie, i want to marry ishita'

'beta you have to ask her yourself'

the kid is not prepared for this

'how should i ask her?'

all the young aunties now begin to kid him... 'you have to sing and dance for her to say yes'

so this little fellow actually, in front of all his friends and all the aunties (who wouldnt miss it for the world) sings and dances to 'mujhse shaadi karogi'!!!!!

he even has plans for his life, rather their life, after marraige. he will cook, he will clean and he will go to work. all ishita will do is colour!
poor chap was extremely disappointed on being informed that it was illegal to marry before the age of 21. he stood thinking and finally whimpered 'but that is so far away!'

awww..... and you thought romance was dead!!

power struggle

2005-05-24T00:44:00.000+05:30

was going to post but the power went out. in fact i entered the lift and the electricity went out. so i climb 5 floors and as the key turns in the lock the power comes back on. sat down to update my blog and the power has gone out again. cant quite see the keyboard so will delay my post by a day (though i dont think there is half a person who cares!!! :oD

freedom.

2005-05-12T17:35:00.000+05:30

a summer morning. two twenty something girls out on a walk at the sanjay gandhi national park, mumbai. it isn't all that early in the morning. in fact its quite bright. hoardes of runners/ joggers/ walkers are on their way out already. a fresh set on their way in.
the air feels clean, smells fresh. its hard to get this in mumbai. trees line both sides of the potholed road, providing shade and much appreciated greenery. there isn't any great threat of wild animals in this part of the forest, atleast not in the day time. so the two girls, feeling rather safe walk along the tarred road. talking, laughing, catching up on the past yr.
they go furthur down the road, past habitation (few tribals, most slum dwellers), past the monkey cage (no monkeys in it.. thankfully they've managed to escape into the forest, where they belong), past the forest museum (or something like that), past the kids park (already full of kids and their parents).
the aforementioned army of runners/ joggers/ walkers has thinned out. it feels nice to be walking in a real forest, right in the midst of a concrete forest (a comment worn out with use!).

alive. young. healthy. independent. adventurous.

enter villain no 1.
creepy guy in black shirt. ogling. staring. following.
the two girls notice him. they ignore him. they had other things to do. nevertheless, they felt a bit weird. it was scary. and to their dismay they realized, they were the only ones on the road. the other walkers had turned back quite a while ago.

a few minutes later they decide to do the wise thing and walk back. creepy guy is still following them at a distance. they walk a little. soon they see the huts of the locals in the distance. habitation.
phew!! its safe now.

"oye"

they turn. its an instant reaction.

a second creepy guy is standing at the side of the road, 10 meters from them. flashing.

shock. fear. disgust.

no room for any other emotion coz the prevailing thought is, 'we have to get out of here fast'

FEAR

newspaper headlines of the past few weeks flash through their minds. 'girl raped in police chowki', 'woman molested in delhi', 'nurse raped in hospital fights for justice'.........................

this must be the same fear they must have experienced minutes before they were scarred for life.

'God please keep us safe'

they leave the place as fast as possible, trying their best to not look scared, stopping only when they reach the kids park 10 minutes later.
(i dont really know if this was the judicious course of action. but when youre on a lonely road with a stalker and a flasher for company, you can be forgiven for not coming up with the ideal response).

upset. shocked. appalled. disgusted. flabbergasted. betrayed. insulted. shaken.

it happened to me.

is it fair that women have to go through this?
everywhere. everyday.
why am i deprieved of my freedom to walk where i please without the fear of being abused?
why am i deprieved of my freedom to spend time with myself without being constantly on the watch for people stalking or staring?
why am i deprieved of my freedom to LIVE, FEARLESSLY?

finally

2005-05-10T15:07:00.000+05:30

after days, weeks and months spent wondering where i would be; contemplating colleges right from columbia and LSE (in a brief period of optimism) down to this sidey MBA college near my home (those were the days i was really low).... the decision is made. IIM Indore it is.
yay!
so its gonna be hanuman tekri (this hill behind my house is called that - also my bus stop) to hanuman tekri (the location of IIM I).. coincidence!!
and btw, the university thing turned out all right. i went there and the guy says, 'madam it makes no difference to us where you go. form pe toh timepass ke liye college ka naam poocha hai!'
so there!
think ill start a new blog. a proper MBA blog. Life at a b school from the point of view of a........ damn it! i cant think of a single word to describe myself. only proves how long its been since the GDPI's!!

confused

2005-05-08T14:45:00.000+05:30

some great news and some bad news...

great news: i made it thru IIM Indore! (i dont believe it myself... wasnt expecting this at all!!.. which can be proved by the facts under bad bews)

bad news: coz i was not expecting the Indore result to work out, I went and got my migration certificate issued towards XIM Bhubaneshwar. Now if any of the parties are interested in my migration certi... im in a big mess. coz they dont reissue a migration certi. 'Not under any circumstance' (was in the form) so i may by default be forced to take up XIM..

not that i dont want xim, honestly im confused as to which would be better... iim or xim, but i dont want something to slip thru my hands coz of my stupidity and enthusiasm :(

fingers crossed till tomorrow.. lets see what the university ppl have to say.

sidey!!

2005-05-06T13:22:00.000+05:30

this post is dedicated to all those who bring joy to our lives and make our otherwise dreary, sad lives worth living.

people love to make statements. be it verbal or non verbal. it's like we feel the necessity to assert our presence. perhaps its a psychological thing, like the necessity to remind ourselves that we're still around perhaps?? - well i'm no student of psychology (its kinda obvious i don’t know a thing about it!) so can't delve much into that. but yes, i am a keen observer of human behaviour... OK, so not all kinds of behaviour. but where a persons conduct veers to the more 'sidey' there i am, all eyes and ears!! ;o) in fact, that is what makes all the difference to my life. my joyless existence takes on new meaning thanks to this spirit of 'sideyness' which gets into just about anybody and consistently provides unparalleled entertainment.

i was walking to my friends place a couple of days ago, and we passed this normal, decent looking, middle aged man walking in the opposite direction; him minding his own business, we minding ours; (nothing interesting at all about this story so far, but see what difference one man can make!) and just as he passes us he emits this huge fart. ( it was so funny, we had to like hold down our laughter untill we were a safe distance away) it could have been a.. greeting (??) 'good evening ladies' or perhaps a statement; 'i am extremely secure about my body and am proud of the sounds it makes'.
in fact i come across several such 'secure' and 'confident' people, almost daily that too. to be honest, you can't really miss them. they're all over the place. on the road, in a bank, in class!!!
like this once, we were having a serious group discussion and the guy sitting next to me made a crappy (note the pun!) point and as if to emphasise it, lifts up one half of his rear and lets out some of his 'trapped gases' (loudly that too) almost as though he were saying 'so there!!!'. we were just thrown aback! ;o)

then there is another class of men (encompassing over 98% of the male population) who are really not that secure. they in fact need to often assure themselves that their 'manlihood' is still intact. its like they’re standing at a railway station and suddenly theyre struck with fear 'is it still there??? all of it??? I’ve got to check RIGHT NOW' and after feeling around their crotch and resting secure with the knowledge that it hasn't run away they wan't to further assure themselves of its sensitivity perhaps (may as well do a complete check - overalling you see), so they scratch. just to be sure they scratch some more, this time with more intensity. and then some more (- for old times' sake perhaps). a satisfied, relaxed smile comes over their face. All's well with the world. They perhaps gain confidence enough to let out some of their own 'trapped gases'. but all this just for the next thirty seconds until fear strikes again and the process is repeated.

i'm sorry for all the male bashing, but women bashing happens all the time anyway.
click here for details on abuse against women.

my achy breaky body!

2005-05-04T16:30:00.000+05:30

i started off on a workout plan a couple of days ago. now it is said that a good workout makes you fitter, stronger, more agile, gives you great stamina.......
well thats all bull****. im sure whoever said that never lifted a single weight in his/her/thier life.

two days of exercise and my body is sore, i cant move a muscle, standing up hurts and the sight of me struggling to walk is supposedly hilarious (why, even my maid was laughing at me!). only my finger muscles have been spared (however the immobility induced excessive typing at the keyboard/clicking at the mouse may cause my wrists and fingers to stiffen as well) all in all, im far from feeling fitter/stronger/more agile. in fact, i feel as active as a seventy year old. heck no!!! im sure my seventy five yr old grandmother will be able to outrun me now.

moral of the story: exercise is bad for your body. spare your body the torture of weight training.

thats it. i've gotta rush now. actually more like i've got to hobble out of my house. you see, i can't be late for gym! ;o)

worse verse?

2005-04-28T17:59:00.000+05:30

it's always the same story..

For days and days there's been no update
But that's just coz nothing's been happening of late.
Save for visits to the police station
A trial of patience towards verification
Of the fact that it is here that i reside
Am a legitimate citizen, and by law abide.
Trips to the varsity, forms to fill,
But thats all ok, i have time to kill.
Have just finished 'The Golden Gate'
A novel, in verse, by Vikram Seth.
(An explanation that i believe should
Suffice to explain my poetic mood)

(hows that for a start!! :o)

shaken and stirred

2005-04-23T00:57:00.000+05:30

you go about life happily, feeling relatively secure. and then something happens that shakes you. it may be a small thing, maybe even insignificant to many others, but it affects you strongly and things are not the same anymore.
something of that sort happened to me yesterday. and ive spent a lot of time today thinking more about it.
wont keep the suspense.. a tiny letter to the editor in TOI said something about the alleged murder of pope john paul 1 and how in 25 yrs no one has investigated it officially. it was the first time i heard such an allegation. in fact i remember thinking why so little is said of john paul 1. i went online and looked it up. the more i read the more i was appalled. (ref: http://www.prose-n-poetry.com/display_work/10583/ )
how could a religious body indulge in such crimes? in whose name are they doing it? do they even believe in God? its as sad as the entire kanchi sankaracharya scandal.
now im not stupid (surprise!) but for some reason ive always held religious leaders in high esteem (leaders of most religions, not all. some of these new age things are just too creepy to consider respecting... im sorry to say so but im only being honest) anyway, i have always been naive enough to think of these people as special and really good human beings. especially those in the catholic church (given my background) so if they said something, especially with respect to religion etc. i would accept it. atleast most of it. slowly i was being brainwashed into focussing more on ritual and tradition than being a good person. (thankfully i came across tony d'mello's books which kept me in check) you can now imagine the shock i got when yesterday i heard of these scandals. my mum keeps saying 'dont worry so much it happened a long time ago'. but the fact is that it happened. and so it can happen again. and i cannot bear the thought of subscribing to such hypocricy, even unknowingly, and that too in the name of God. (i dont know how many would understand what im trying to say or how significant this whole incident has been. ive expressed myself really badly).
therefore, ive made a decision (something that a person with a standard quantity of brains would have figured out and done ages ago) im not going to rely on someone elses' ideas of morality. i think making your own decisions is difficult coz then the consequences are your responsibility. but on the other hand why must i ever do something unless im convinced in truth that it isn't wrong. and such conviction comes only when the belief is your own and not borrowed.
satyameva jayate!!!

back

2005-04-20T01:02:00.000+05:30

back to stable steady ground, working telephones (without having to think 'roaming'), computers, internet, clean bathrooms, my own room, TV, books, newspapers in english, mosquito-less-ness.......
ahhhhhh....... theres no place in the world like home!!!!
but the trip was nevertheless great. felt like shahrukh khan in swades ;o) (though unfortunately i didnt have a trailer home to take along!)
the road trip by itself was gorgeous. roads (surprisingly beautiful roads that too; smooth, clear, well marked, scenic... almost too good to be true!.... of course they didnt last all the way) that just went on and on, you could see the road ahead for miles; fields on either side (even learnt to identify a few crops), a huge forest (drove through it for about 2 hrs... awesome), a brief period along the sea coast (need i say more), villages, small towns, little cities, big cities, backwaters, lakes, rivers (though some of these were in a sad state as they were running dry - in fact in what was clearly a river bed, a bridge that once went across the river now stands stupidly- starting nowhere, going nowhere); and as we got closer to kerala - plantations. rubber, coconut, banana, betelnut (looks like ive become a tree expert!). also men in lungis on motorcycles, bullock carts on the highway and oh get this, just today i saw a cattle market! what looked like thousands of heads of cattle and ten times as many buyers and sellers! weird to think of cattle markets today. definitely logical and obvious but still, theyre the stuff story books and old movies are made of. (boy buys bull from girls dad (at the cattle market)-bull dies (on the way back from the cattle market) -boy sues girls dad- then sees girl (who hadn't come to the cattle market)- falls in love- they sing a few songs (around the cattle market) - father sore with boy for insult- refuses to let his daughter marry him- few corny actors show up to fill time (discussing the next cattle market) - boy saves remaining cattle from mysterious fire (at the next cattle market) (turns out the fire was planned by the corny actors) - all happy- lovers marry (at the cattle market if you please) - the end ---- you may have already figured that this was an original story. you may also have figured out as to why i am not a scriptwriter today...) but you get my point, dont you? actually i think i lost it myself. but i dont have the time to edit it so let it stay (actually i think its a gem of a storyline... could take me places this one. golden jubilee perhaps.... platinum even! ;o)

the rocking feeling has stopped (after 5 days stright on the road).

my room is beginning to look less heavenly, the comp is beginning to feel slow, i just noticed all the dirty laundry, cant call anyone up at this time of the night (morning), the newspapers are describing in detail the forgettable final indo-pak ODI, almost every news channel is talking about the new pope benedict xvi (my opinion - its a good thing for the church to have a conservative head, but so conservative....??)

country roads.... take me home...............................

happie hippie (chippi! ;o)

2005-04-12T16:59:00.000+05:30

didn't make it to iim i (atlaeast as of now...)
so looks like im going to bhubaneshwar
i just realised for all the complaining i do about being so bored, my days are heavily packed. atleast the past week or so. but im not complaining, this is much better than moping around the house about having nothing to do.
and i may be going to kerala this weekend. just for 2 days or so (and driving down that too.. all the way from mumbai!) but still sounds like fun. feel like one of those adventurous people in movies, going cross country by road.... eww.... just remembered crossroads - that terrible britney spears movie .....ewwwwwww......... there goes my enthusiasm :o(
soon there may be another trip to goa!! (woo hoo!!) in fact with 2 months of lazzzeeeeeeeeee vacations ahead of me, i could even be a full fledged hippie!! (haha !!)

2005-04-09T06:39:00.000+05:30

have been busy
doing nothing at all
week after week it surprises me how one can manage to consistently, continuously do nothing at all
i amaze myself
not that there isn't anything to be done
but here i am... blissfully aware (or rather aware yet blissful) of urgent matters lying pending

need to make use of that drivers licence
need to relearn HOW to make use of that drivers licence
half a dozen pairs of jeans to be altered (weight loss doesn't come cheap)
a month old demand draft needs to be cancelled
the month old demand draft first needs to be hunted out of the mess that adorns my room
need to clean out my room
need to see the dentist. my teeth seem to enjoy being drilled, prodded, denerved (eeeeee), cemented, capped.... there can be no other reason for their regularly acting up.

all ive been doing.... all day long, all week long, all vacation long..... playing minesweeper
though my timings still suck

oh and the xim admission offer letter came in today. yay!

made it

2005-04-03T20:45:00.000+05:30

feeling good... made it thru xim bhubaneshwar!!
strange that the few calls i did get, are converting in reverse order of preference.... but hey! im not complaining... so long as they all convert!!

mmmm....

2005-04-02T01:48:00.000+05:30

its been really long since I posted.. but I have a very good excuse that being the absolute lack of anything of interest happening in my life. all ive been doing is meeting up with friends.. some new, some old…but most as bekaar as I am..
talking of friends, its really strange to be meeting them after so long. I mean, these are people I was with practically 24 hrs of the day… ok 16 hrs of the day, and we knew just about everything about each others life… and less than one yr down the line… everything seems so different. it feels weird to meet your best friend from college and realize you don’t know what to say (of course you do know what to do.. which is kick yourself hard for being so bad at keeping in touch). but the great thing is that it takes only about 5 minutes to catch up coz all you’re missing is a few technical details. everything else you somehow just know. back in college, 3 yrs of being together had almost got to us. the same people, the same stupid pjs… and today, the same things bring such comfort. lying down, eating pakodas, and talking about things of zero significance (or even extreme importance)…. it feels so.... ummmm..... good!!

new and improved... still me

2005-03-21T02:07:00.000+05:30

yup.. i managed to put in all the add ons that i formerly thought only techies could install!! (yo! this is the 'tech savvy' me).. that was my learning for the day :o)
figured i have about 21/2 months to go before i start off on the mba... gotta make the most of it. have spent 3hrs 7minutes and 9seconds looking for something i could do. thankfully i have managed to form a rough list
-volunteer at akankshas summer camp
-take up dance lessons
-vacation somewhere (other than goa, which is almost a pucca plan).. current options range from himachal pradesh to lakshwadeep (no harm in dreaming big! :o)
-art classes
-religious/meditation camp (need this if i want to stay alive next yr!)

actually, come to think of it, is a b-school that stressful? i mean all the people i know who are at a decent school seem to be totally jobless...hmm........

soo girlieeee

2005-03-20T10:48:00.000+05:30

ive changed my colours.. all 'pink pink' now :oD
wanted to change the whole look. thought id be all 'techno savvy' and add a shout-box and other such 'cool' add ons (ive been beamed in from the stone age.. bloody aliens..) however i couldnt manage to put in anything. didnt know how to. they said paste the URL on the page... which page????????
tried it for a hit counter, a shout box, even for a list of fav places on the web.... i must be really stupid. .. as a last resort i changed the template... that too from the samples available on blogger.
therefore a request to anybody more tech savvy than me (might as well simply say anybody) could you help me with this? mail me (i do know to use email!.. we had it back in the stone age) at zen1502@yahoo.co.in ...
thanks! and i do hope my enthusiasm lasts till its done ;o)

d-day

2005-03-19T00:23:00.000+05:30

was waiting for today since december. the day when i would finally be free... i could do anything i wanted without feeling guilty about not preparing for the gdpi's...
the day was boring as hell
got up in the morning (afternoon??), headed straight for the comp. played minesweeper forever... was waiting to do this for some time now.. a hundred games later, it was boring. and my hand was stiff.
thought i'd read something.. realized i didn't have anything i was interested in
bored...
went online... nothing to do.... no new mail, nothing interesting on pagalguy, one measly new crossword which i couldnt even complete.
bit irritated......
neighbor kid came over... we played with puppets for a while... painted a tree, a house and a sun (the kid was so fascinated by the concept of dipping the paintbrush in water first that when he started writing (drawing) his a,b,c's later, he kept diping the pencil in water!! ;o)
3 hrs with a 3 yr old....
went back to minesweeper. got my hands numb, frozen in the mouse holding position.
thought i'd clean up my room, eh...... watched oprah
slept.......
my best friend came over. the highlight of the day. but her exams had gotten over just yesterday so she was tired too... she fell asleep... i went back to minesweeper, massaging my hands..
thought we'd go out for something to eat. but were both lazy. so we ended up sleeping/playing minesweeper some more.
stiffness spread to my elbow....
10 pm.. thought of going for a walk now that my friend had left... came back in 20 mintes... lazy..

what happened to all that i planned for the holidays? for that matter didn't holidays start where exams end? oops... forgot my exams begin next week ;o)

gotta hit the books from tomorrow... suddenly the day seems perfect... why did it ever end?

(my stiff fingers just cried out..)

among other things

2005-03-16T14:16:00.000+05:30

finally drafted my answers to the pre int form. cant believe its already the 16th. have my xim-b interview this evening in college. feel terribly underprepared. especially about my acads... dont seem to really remember anything.
however im far more relaxed now than i was a couple of days ago. was actually having nightmares that the world was going against me (literally.... i dreamt a piece of kerala- yes the state- broke off and floated all the way upto the bangladesh coast which left me in quite a fix coz now i wud have to study the new map of india!! ;o) (strangely enough, the next afternoon we had a minor earthquake... hmm.....)
2 more days and i really wont have much to do for some time (except die in anticipation of the results i guess... on the other hand i hope the interviews leave me with scope for antcipation :o( planning a whole lot of things for the vacations that will follow...
first..... a long awaited trip to goa!... feel ashamed to say that ive lived in mumbai practically all my life but never been to goa... not any more (i hope)
next... i gotta learn south indian cooking... have had enough of pasta and pudding and secondly feel ashamed that though being a mallu i cant even make a decent sambar
third... m gonna start playing a sport.... anything, though most probably itll be badminton (or chess :oD)

ummmm........ feels like school summer holidays all over again....

The making of an MBA?

2005-03-07T03:48:00.000+05:30

In a very pensive mood (the result of having spent the day thinking about my significant achievements etc to fill in the form) ive been thiking a lot about how the past year has changed me and how im so much the better for it. I remember not getting into ISI last yr. I was so upset… thought the world had come to an end. That was the only thing perhaps I was looking to do and in that one day all those plans came crashing down. I was upset for months. Its almost like I cant remember anything of those 2-3 months although it was just last yr, just because I was so depressed all the time that I couldn’t do anything. The only thing I remember is my birthday (which has the distinction of being my grumpiest bday ever inspite of my dearest friends being there to cheer me up….). basically it was like I was determined not to be happy.
The around august end I started getting back on my feet. Had bought the CAT form so diverted all my depression energy into preparing for the CAT coz that’s all I thought admission into an MBA was all about. By the time it was November or I think in October itself I was almost suffering a burn out. Overpreparation. Went for a week for a religious retreat to get myself calmed down. And then at the end of it all.. cat was a disaster. But this time my anger didn’t really last that long. (see I was improving) and then with the indore call things changed again.

Today im part of a group that meets almost daily to discuss current affairs and general issues covering history, geography, science, economics, trade, commerce, industry etc. we’ve been meeting quite regularly for quite some time and I can actually feel the difference. Firstly it’s the knowledge addition and then equally importantly the positive influence people who you can look up to can have on you. its value addition at its best. And what I feel best about is the fact that we who meet are technically supposed to be competitors. We’re all looking to get into the same institute, equally passionately. But that doesn’t stop anyone from holding back something they think would help the other. Whether its feedback on writing the forms or simplifying tax laws for the absolutely ignorant (me) everyone gives their best. the attitude is completely win-win. Were seeking to maximize gains for everyone and it feels so great. In a way id say even if I don’t make it to indore (heaven forbid) if I look back at all that ive learnt, I will be more than grateful for all of it.

This entire process or what ever you may call it has changed me so much. I actually feel more responsible, more adult now. And more importantly im more aware of how much I lack and how much I should be doing to be the person I want to be coz of being with people who I respect so much.

Now if this is what I have to say about the learning and self development, preparing for my MBA, wonder what ill have to say when im doing it!
Im happy! ;o)

happy days are here again!!

2005-03-03T03:06:00.000+05:30

I don’t know why ive been so irregular at this. Actually I do know why… nobody really reads it!! :o)
But anyway… today I bring good tidings… I made it thru SIBM! Yay! I have something in hand. I have someplace to go to! Now I know its not sooooo great or anything but its definitely better than not having anything to do and definitely makes things less scary when I go in for the next 2 interviews..
and now i gotta go prepare for them!

another day

2005-02-18T03:25:00.000+05:30

there are times when too many things happen together, too many thoughts crowd your mind, too many new faces, too many new ideas, too much work
and there are days like today
where its 3:30 am and ive not done a single worthwhile thing all day!

slept late.. overslept... i had an excuse (always do!) coz i barely slept the night before... lazed in bed thinking ill start off paper 1 today. pretty ambitiously considered even finishing a section off by night... so good a thought deserves a reward... another hour of sleep!!
woke up 2 hrs later... thought of going to college today (!.. ya things are that bad...!!!!) sat down somewhere... found the paper.... hey i have my priorities... gotta prepare for gdpi... brushing my teeth can wait.... went through the comics.. went through the movie list.... looked at the headlines... eh.....
brushed... had breakfast... gotta be serious about my work now... no unnecessary TV... but im eating ya.... will watch news............... i could do a better job reading news than her... she smiles too much... my coffee not over yet... technically im still having breakfast.... breakfast time i can take a break.... channel change... coffee cold....
1015 am.... gotta leave in 15 mins if i wanna be in time for class. have to go to coll today.... will set all my pracs in order..... will finish all incomplete pracs by tonight.... why do people spend an entire year doing them when they can be done in one day.....
1020 am... spot saree lying unpacked from sibm interview.... i have the time to try out the saree... hey... this is gdpi practice haan..... need to learn to be comfortable in saree.....
1055 am.... several sarees later... 2 aunties who had come home to meet mum are now also involved in my saree draping.... saree draping??? i meant gdpi prep....
1105 am... aunties gone... sarees folded back... can make it 15 mins late... VUD wont mind (strange i dont know the profs name yet! this is how theyre refered to here.... all initials!) got dressed...
1110 am... full house.... only family fun show on tv... ooohhh... this episode..... have seen this... really dumb... damn it i wont make it for VUD anyway... can go later only for pracs....
1115 am.... mum: "i thought you had to go today"
me: "actually i dont really need to go... i can go just for the pracs its ok.... blah blah.. attendance not really so bad.... blah blah..."
mum (to herself) : "bai nahi aati.... maybe this girl can find employment somewhere as one... aur kuch toh honewala nahi hai"
1130 am... hogan family... arey... havent seen this episode.... coffee still there... am still having breakfast.... technically
1200 pm... caroline in the city.... i love richard... but coffee is over... lunch box opens up...
1230 pm... gotta leave now to reach for pracs
100 pm... gotta leave now to reach for pracs
130 pm... gotta leave NOW to reach for pracs....
145 pm.... pondering the meaning of life... my long term goals and how msc part one fits in the plan... u guessed right it doesnt... wont reach for pracs anyway
200 pm... still pondering
230 pm... stratified sampling karte hain.... got the notes... got the books.. arey... pen bhi hain.... yawn!! cant work when im sleepy... will get up at 345 and 4 onwards dhamakedar study session starts
345 pm.... snooze
430 pm.... snooze
500 pm.... mum: "what is wrong with you!!"
515 pm... will study for an hr then go to ims
517 pm.... notice brand new watercolours.... ref pre interview form... what are your hobbies... art... what are your strengths... honesty.... abhi toh painting karna hi padega
615 pm... ims...late again
1030pm... get back home... phone call.... description of my gdpi at sibm... confidence boosting talks... how to reach pune by rail road and air.... more confidence boosting.... all the bests all around....
1130 pm... dinner... damn caroline just over
1200 am... checking mail.... no mail... how come?? checking junk mail.... opening junk mail... deleting junk mail.... pagalguy.... reading all the junk mail.... reading everybodys sibm..... someone had referred to candidate no 2.... who when asked how much u rate the group she had said 4-5... smile... smirk.... im candidate no 2... thats me... remembered the terrible group performance at case study.... damn i shud have said 1-2....
100 am... full house....
130 am... hogan family
145 am... panic strikes... tv off.... damn.... gotta still do that bit on IPR
230 am.... american idol... IPR search nearing end
300 am.... american idol.... looking for lost friends on the internet....
330 am..... guilt... guilt..... more guilt..... need to immortalize the most pointless, useless day of my existence...
415 am.... finished immortalizing..... lesson learnt..... guilt felt...
good night

hair raising

2005-02-05T00:00:00.000+05:30

really scary come to think of it... i dont know where im headed.. dont really even know whats happening... think i just have to go where life takes me.
'whatever happened to predictability....'
and things are getting real scary.... we had our seniors presenting their project today... kinda like the last thing they do before they leave and we 'take their place'.... dont feel like i even deserve to be in the class when i havent learnt one new thing this yr... seriously never felt so crappy ever as i have this entire year.... academics have always been like a priority whether i did well or not but this yr its been a serious joke. ive spent half a fortune photocopying notes but havent done anything beyond that. in fact felt like i hit rock bottom in class yesterday, we had our dept head giving this lec and i had this horrible... overwhelming feeling.... it just got too much...
and almost everyday i wonder why this is happening to me. i mean... its me.... i always got what i wanted if i worked hard enough... and then i had a pretty decent record to fall back on whatever happened.... and then came this yr...
i still believe things happen for the best. i still believe its all meant to be in the scheme of things... but.... why me... :o(

just realized what i must be sounding like... past few posts have all been so... black..... guess will write again only when i can think of something more cheerful!

hello again

2005-02-03T01:14:00.001+05:30

hey
i know its been really long (though i dont know who really cares about that! ;o) and i had written this slightly bigger post but the thing refused to get published... anyway will write again sometime really soon
cya

hello again

2005-02-03T01:14:00.000+05:30

reeeeaaalllyyy long break!
been extremely busy, and lazy... but now on i guess im gonna be more regular... (really dont think anyone cares either way!! :o)
bad news first (the eternal pessimist...) didnt make it into xlri... results just came out today and ive been prety upset ever since... so upset that i even ate gulab jamuns (for those of you who are not aware im supposed to be on a diet.. and gulab jamuns dont really go well with the idea of a diet.. on a more positive note... i lost 10 kg!! 4 more to go :oD)
dunno why im so upset about xl.... i mean wasnt even feeling this bad about CAT..
IMS had this achievers workshop on sat-sun and it was really good... went thru all these mock gds and interviews and most importantly met so many others in the same place... guess im in a relatively worse place than most others but still.... in fact those 2 days were kinda more positive than lots others ive had in the recent past... (shucks im sounding like this dark depressed person... im not so.. atleast not as often as it seems i am) in fact was feeling really positive and happy and all that and then came along XIMB where got a call and the party went on and today came XL... guess im not able to accept the verdict so easily...
will post again soon when im in a better mood and can think of other things...
cya

2005-01-07T23:47:00.000+05:30

One week into the new year…42 resolutions made… most already broken… well I wont say broken.. just one day here and there… a few things didn’t happen.. but yeah, most of the stuff I though id work on… its happening! Im happy im making an effort atleast...
and some bad news.. my cell phone got stolen today :o( and to think i was so stupid.. i left it in the front pocket of my bag..... so easy to take it out.. feel so so stupid... and also out of touch with the world... :o(

busy days

2005-01-04T23:44:00.000+05:30

feel like ive travelled back in time to my class 12 days.. leaving home early, coming back late... travelling by train late at night... and that i must tell you is a wonderful experience... whatever people may say about the mumbai suburban trains... nothing beats travelling in a local at around 930-10pm. its dark, theres always this cool breeze, no crowds and its not yet unsafe... its really amazing. strangely enough youre not even tired once you get home coz its so refreshing...(all this is from the persective of a ladies first class compartment... i dont think it holds true for the men who have to hold on to a precious square inch of standing place however late in the night it may be ;o)
but i must say this feels good. i feel more productive if im outside home for long. feel like my whole day has been made use of (although its not really the case most often)... basically i think i love being busy... in fact i think its good for me. im less stressed out (i know it sounds crazy but really... a good amount of work reduces my stress.. guess its coz i spend less time thinking and worrying!!)
guess things are gonna be this way for some time now. though i really dont know how im gonna keep up (i only said less stressed out.. not completely stress free ;o)!!) the guy at ims told me i have no option but to study all my msc matter if i wanna stand a good chance. im sure nobody understands the sorry situation im in... its a vicious circle... i started preparing for cat coz i dint wanna do msc and now if i wanna get thru it i have to do my msc and that too i have to do it well! :o(
xat is on the 9th! ive gotten so enthu about xlri of late... after cat the thought of xlri kept me going.. so much so that now i think i only want xl!! hope i do well and get thru, esp in maths. though i can take hope from my dad. hes terrible at math and still managed final admission into xlri twice!!... anyway wish me luck...

merry christmas!!

2004-12-27T00:40:00.000+05:30

Merry Christmas
I know im a bit late here.. but who cares.. its still Christmas season!!

Not quite Christmas for those on the coastal regions of south India… really really sad… to think a morning walk could go so wrong….

On the western coast though Christmas was great. Had relatives coming over…. Was in pune… Spent time doing nothing really… watched the others eat rum fruit cake and marzipan and date rolls and kalkals and karanjis (or as the pau’s wud say.. newries!!) and…. Yummm….. please remind me why did I plan to abstain from Christmas sweets? ;o)
Went for midnight mass in biting cold, forgot to carry a shawl along as can be expected of me. And after freezing in our seats for 2 hrs, way past our (my) bedtime, at the end of mass they serve coffee and cake.. duh… if u want people to be attentive the coffee should be served before mass!

Didn’t really have a tree this time coz we reached only on the 24th.. no crib either…honestly its not like we didn’t have the time… just that ive become really lazy and now I feel stupid for not having made it …. In fact my earliest and best memories of Christmas are those of building the crib. I remember very clearly this crib we used to make when we were in our old house… carefully selected round pebbles were arranged in this quarter of a sphere shape…. It was quite a job coz it was rather intricate work… ofcourse I wasn’t allowed to touch it… at that time we had a lot of arbit people around the house with a talent for craft... my responsibility was putting the baby Jesus in the crib when we came back from mass… that was a time when plastic christmas trees weren’t really even there…. Atleast not that I knew of.. but plants were aplenty and so a random potted plant- one that had grown healthily through the year and was relatively taller was placed near the crib and adorned with tinsel and the star.. santa too was an integral part of Christmas (until we discovered a bit too early that he didn’t exist…) the fireplace was substituted by window grilles (easy access for santa) and stockings were substituted by large plastic bags (our santa lists were pretty long!) I even remember writing my letter to santa claus on stationery with a picture of mother mary printed on it... you know so that santa would be extra impressed! ;o)
Being in a convent school… Christmas also meant the nativity play. I started off as a shepherd in class 1. by class 10 I had graduated to santa claus myself!! (Stop laughing.. I wasn’t even all that fat then for that matter.. just that no one in class was willing to be santa … I mean…which 15 yr old girl will want to be santa claus? Especially when the alternative is to either be an angel or sing in the choir wearing a pretty plaid skirt)… though I should mention that (ahem!) my santa act was quite a hit and won us first prize! (bribed the judges and the audience with ‘real’ chocolates….. unlike the newspapers bundled into a red sack made to look like its full of presents…. For that matter even the 3 kings came to see the Christ child with empty boxes, though they were wrapped in colourful paper!!)
Things are not the same anymore…. Adult life has squeezed the enthusiasm out of me (cant believe I called myself an adult!) but christmas is still christmas and it will always hold that special magic!
I don’t really intend to get senti and all that but I honestly feel fortunate for having had a rather wonderful childhood filled with so many wonderful memories. In fact I think the very reason for having so much tradition surrounding such occasions is to create memories that will last a long long time. I used to find it strange that our family celebrates diwali and the rest with equal enthusiasm. Now I know its coz this is the stuff memories are made of. Makes no difference where you come from or wut faith you belong to.. ultimately its all about sharing joy and wishing others well.. its about brother hood and love and a celebration of our differences!!

p.s. on a very different note... CAT didnt turn out so bad (though maths was a disaster!!) even managed one call... ;o) indore
bye

spitting fire!

2004-12-19T14:54:00.000+05:30

yesterday was the mumbai university convocation. there are places in the world where graduation is a big day not just for the graduates but for the entire family. perhaps thats the case in countries where college education is rare and graduates are few. not in india, definitely not in mumbai, where graduates are being churned out at an almost frenzied pace. 'graduation day? tell me something new'. i guess thats an ok enough reaction to greet any of us mere graduates, i mean it wasnt all that difficult to get a distinction and all that. but yes it is a big thing to top the entire university and score the highest ever in 20 years with 92.75%. i dont think it is wrong to expect some kind of honour or atleast recognition for someone who managed this...well... feat, from the university. but no. this is mumbai univeristy. the person in concern here (for those of u who dont know its a certain romit jain) was NOT EVEN INVITED for the convocation ceremony. no gold medal, no special mention, nothing. in fact i think he wasnt even allowed to attend the ceremony. why, u may ask... i really dont know. but yes, the topper in marathi was invited and given a gold medal, so also toppers in sanskrit and philosophy, then why not the science topper?... well there isnt a medal for the science topper... but for subject toppers in arts there is?... of course. now not that i think any particular subject is better or worse than another, nor do i think any course of study to be of more importance than another... just that its unfair that an extraordinary achievement is not being given the recognition it deserves.
now this is not what really irritated me. thats yet to come.
i heard of this wednesday. it wasnt fair. i sent an email to the times of india correspondent who had recently written an article on the quantity of gold in the medals being reduced due to gold prices being high. figured if they were concernted enough to make that front page news they would be a bit interested in what i had to say. next day someone calls me from bombay times, says she wants to speak to romit.. its not fair the way theyre not giving him any recognition etc etc etc... that was thursday. i thought i would find something in fridays paper.. nothing.. all the paper wrote about was kareena kapoor being caught kissing her boyfriend and analysis by several 'experts' on the topic. well, maybe theyll write about it on saturday, the actual convocation day... nothing..... more analysis on the kapoor-kapur kiss. almost every article on the front page revolved around that. they even went so far as to describe the various types of kissing, but no mention of the topper... now is this really pathetic or what! i have always respected the times of india and all their supplementary papers. today im appalled at their priorities. maybe im irritated because i had taken up the issue and they didnt think it was good enough. but honestly, i really think they have no sense of priority (and as for the kissing issue: for all the talk theyre giving on respecting peoples privacy.. hello... u made it front page news for 3 whole days-and still counting)
as for the topper issue, i'm gonna pursue it with a vengeance. im gonna take it up with the univeristy DSW (director of student welfare) on monday itself. i am so irritated. i know most people.. make that all people... will probably think, whats with her, she has nothing to do with it.... but its just not fair and if i can do something about it, i should. i dont wanna be spineless like most others on the student council. all they care about is making themselves ID cards and giving themselves certificates saying they were council members, for 5 extra marks in some govt exams.. its so sickening..
think id better stop before i totally lose control and say more than i

something wrong

2004-12-11T01:21:00.000+05:30

think somethings wrong with this page.. this is just a check

SOYA!!!

2004-12-05T11:34:00.000+05:30

Yup, got my SOYA this week.. knew id be getting it so wasnt all that excited but yeah, it felt really good.. ironically, the award (btw, soya means student of the year award) was the first prize i was receiving in college ever... as in on stage... in all 5 yrs...
cant really believe i spent 5 yrs in college.. thats like from the time i was 15 up to 20 (that makes 1/4th of my total life!!!) ... and honestly thats made all the difference.. i remember the first time i ever went to xaviers, all of 15 yrs, fresh from 12 yrs at a girls school (which i might add were not all that very pleasant) and the huge shock i recieved at the gate when i saw these ultra glamourous people coming out... i picked up my form and literally ran out of the place!! i still cant believe how i managed to muster the courage to go ahead and apply.. i remember my first day... i was going past the reception desk and two glam girls (i really dont know if they were really that great.. think my memory has given them added glamour.. i mean compared to what i was used to (nuns in white habits) anyone was glamourous!!) anyway they were like.."the JCs are here, ewwww!!!!" (JCs translates as junior college students... apparently the most worthless life forms on the planet)... well after that warm welcome, things continued in a similar friendly fashion for a while after which we either got used to it or it stopped.. anyway i really couldnt care less, i was having perhaps the best time of my life and had made some really great friends... 2 yrs later we were in proper college, senior college, again had a really good time.... did lots, but also had a lot of fun... honestly, things were great... lots of bad stuff happened as well but in retrospect, it was all good coz thankfully i took it if not very well.. atleast somewhat positively... and at the end of it one fine day im asked to apply for the SOYA and i won!! i had kept a diary on and off all through college and the day i heard id won i came home and went through it... in it was everything, all the good, all the bad, all the silly and stupid, all the embarassing, the downright ridiculous, the success, the failure and i realized how important it all was towards what i think is the basic purpose of education- self discovery. i would never say i was the best student of st. xaviers in my batch... off the top of my head i can name atleast 30 people who were better than me at everything and more deserving of the honour but for some reason, i got it and im not complaining. maybe it was just to tell me at the end of it all, it was worth it!

back to the real world!

2004-11-28T12:57:00.000+05:30

back to the same old grind... classes, pracs etc etc..... but in a way its comforting to be somewhere... doing something... i can imagine what my state would have been like had i not been doing my msc and solely preparing for MBA entrances. Though i did think of it sometime back, im happy i didnt think much!
though it is scary... piles and piles of notes... the entire msc part 1 portion needs to be photocopied, and its not going to be light on my pocket (would def make my pocket lighter though!!! ;o) sidey one im sorry... guess im getting back to being myself!) i dont even know what books im supposed to be referring to. the other day i reached college 31/2 hrs early, thinking i could spend some quality time in the library when i realized i didnt know what books to refer to. so i randomly selected a book on probability (thts sidier than the prev one!! ;oD) and after going through the whole process of registering the book realized it was a book on statistics for engineering. feeling too lazy to return it coz that was another pain, i went through it for about 1 1/2 hrs... learnt enough about engg to thank my stars i didnt opt for it. and for the record that same day inspite of being so early, all determined to maintain a perfect attendance record this term, i had to miss the first lec coz my smart friends thought the SNAP form filling process wouldnt take more than an hr....
signing off now.. gotta go dress up 6 yr olds for a birdie dance!!

Its over

2004-11-21T21:19:00.000+05:30

I can say that not just about the exam... might also apply to my IIM hopes....
For those who care
The paper was simple... normal CAT style.. except for the marking... which in my opinion is not that big a deal... in that way paper was weird but its not an excuse
FOR THE GAZILLION MISTAKES I MADE IN QUANT... im too ashamed to put up my score.... and so may of them were the stupidest imaginble mistakes.... cant believe i made such stupid mistakes
Verbal was a dream DI went off unexpectedly well inspite of being my weakest point but Quant murdered my IIM hopes in cold blood.... my totals not bad though but it doesnt make a difference... think its bye bye CAT for now except for maybe SPJain but im not keen on that either... have bought the form so will give it a shot but.....
My only hope... IMS answer sheet is full of mistakes!! think i should have got about 3-4 more answers correct..that might make things somewhat better ;o) seriously 4 more correct and maybe i have a faint chance
anyway back to other stuff now... MSc for one...!!!! gotta start with it tomorrow for any hope of passing and then theres XLRI, FMS etc. etc...... something good should come out of all this! i seriously believe, if its meant to happen it will... somewhere, sometime!!

The day has dawned

2004-11-20T22:09:00.000+05:30

Not really... still a few more hours to go and honestly i dont see myself getting so psyched out about it.... (im talking about CAT) im just looking forward to well... geting this over with... its not like i didnt like studying for CAT and neither have i studied allllll that much to be bored... just that theres something at the back of your mind for so long... its a relief to get it over with... but all the same i would be happy if things work out well (who wouldnt)!!!
heres to CAT!

insomnia attack!!!!

2004-11-18T18:07:00.001+05:30

its 4:14 am and im blogging.... just another demonstration of a pre exam insomnia attack... not that im studying all that much.... just lazing around all day and then staying up all night (doing nothing) hoping that it compensates for my wasted day... its this whole cycle.... now once i do sleep i wont get up till late morning and automatically i lose out on an entire chunk of the day... and i will feel stupid about that and so sit up again all night....!! think im really losing it (whatever little i had of it!! ;o)
but seriously, why do i take on so much pressure.. always.... agreed i work best under pressure.... but then i havent quite given myself a chance under relaxed circumstances.... so i cant even say that really.... hmmmm... thats something i never thought of... though i dont think i can suddenly get all relaxed in the next 3 days... but i guess i must try... (have been saying this to atleast 5 people daily...).. guess i dont really have that much faith and confidence
oh guess what happened... stupid me.. i had this practice test i had solved before and forgotten about it and i sat with it again today... and all through the paper i kept thinking these IMS people are such nuts they even repeat the comprehension passages!! but on the bright side... i did well...
anyway gotta atleast pretend to sleep... dads alarm just went off and if he sees me up so late........ basically his idea of an all nighter is sleeping at 2 am max...

insomnia attack!!!!

2004-11-18T18:07:00.000+05:30

more CAT

2004-11-10T01:10:00.000+05:30

back after a long break.. actually... ive not been posting coz i have nothing interesting to say really...!! poor me!!
CAT is killing... wish it just gets over with..... actually no... ive been wasting a lot of time the past few days.. instead of the last minute super studying mode.. ive gotten totally out of it... for those who care i managed a miserably terrible, historically low score of 71 in sim7... great morale booster!! for those who have any suggestions on how i can scare myself into studying again pls mail me asap..
10 more days to go.... honestly... i dont really care... i dont even know how i got myself into this MBA/CAT frenzy... never really thought id ever give CAT... but i know if i stop to think how stupid ive been ill lose the little motivation i have to study for it.. actually i dont really think im that against doing an MBA.... these 'musings' must just be the standard pre-exam 'whats the point of the whole thing anyway' philosophy.. kinda like laying the ground for a possible failure (i wasnt that interested in it really...!!!)
but theres one thing.. i did go about this whole thing quite foolishly. i look around at home and all i can find are exam forms and (prospectuses/prospectii.... no wonder my english scores are so low!) and honestly i paid good money to apply to places im really not that keen on going to... i guess in the aftermath of the ISI Calcutta disaster (for those who are unaware it was the one place the one course i wanted to do and i messed the interview big time) and subsequent disorientation i just went into this frenzied form buying mode! but i guess its all for some purpose.. maybe one of them will work out and itll be just the thing for me
gotta get back to my books now... 10 days to go..................

prejudice without pride?

2004-10-29T20:02:00.000+05:30

nothing to do with the movie actually... though i did see bride and prejudice and notwithstanding what anyone else may say i liked it...(though much could be done about lalita singing almost opera style.. and the ending doing no justice to the book) this post is not a film review.... more of an introspection...
its so easy to judge wrongly (and my sincerest apologies to the person in this context) and keep building on it so much so that ur garbled impression of the person seems more true than the person in front of you... and the weirdest part about it is you would hate it happening to yourself though its almost 100% likely.. now the question is... is this prejudice originating from pride (your opinion cannot be wrong kind of pride)... or out of a natural cautious attitude... caution against perhaps getting hurt later.... (i know im being pretty ambiguous)
anyway... gotta go.. paying to use the net... ie.. still in pune!

pune post!

2004-10-27T12:10:00.000+05:30

thats right im in pune.. came here for 2 days... ended up being here for over a week and still here... and honestly i dont know why. i hate this place.. its so dead... is so quiet in the nights and small sounds get magnified... end up sleeping little and having bad dreams the rest of the time... though all this is having a positive impact on my studying.... i end up doing much more coz that keeps my mind from feeling scared!! really!!
but honestly im surprised that im so dependent on having people close to me or rather near me all the time.. for quite sometime i thought i was essentially a loner... preferring to stay by myself most of the time and comfortable with that.... guess its not so... or maybe its more like i need to see people around... dont necessarily want to talk to them... but i guess presence is important... for a sense of security i guess...
guess thats all from my side... dying to be back in mumbai!

blah

2004-10-21T00:03:00.000+05:30

would u believe it... people are actually reading this blog...!! now i need to figure out how the counter thing works.... considering my comp skills.... should take me a month!

one more day to go before a well deserved vacation. actually i think i must hold back on the well deserved part. have been having quite a vacation the past 4 months anyway. no wonder then my attendance is at scary levels. but still it feels nice to look forward to 3 weeks of actual, legitimate non working days. feels still better coz i think this is for the first time diwali holidays are not being preceeded by diwali exams... CAT is still there but thats another story.

come to think of it... although i was sooooo grumpy the first few weeks or rather months at MU.... came up with brilliant excuses every morning to skip class...(therefore the aforementioned dismal attendance)... but things have shaped up pretty well. i may even go so far as to say i might miss the place if i do get a chance to leave.... wont yet say i dont wanna leave this place ever but yeah.... its turned out to be a nice surprise!

heres to MU!

no more CAT

2004-10-13T23:08:00.000+05:30

bad day... things are loww!! :o( couldnt really study.. and those antibiotics kept me in bed for practically the entire day... waste of a day... but to look at it more positively... a good days rest.. actually been giving my attitude a lot of thought these days... i mean yeah.. i wanna do well in life.. i wanna realize my dreams... i wanna make the most out of life... but CAT is not the be all and end all im making it out to be.... honestly none of my long term plans are based on the corporate world... yeah a good MBA will be a huge help... and perhaps a safe option to fall back on in case my dreams dont really materialize the way i want them to... (heaven forbid!) but looking at the way im all into CAT and etc. its really not healthy... some level of competition is good.... but here i sit and analyse every aspect of my score on the simulated cats and act like a total idiot.. its good to keep track of ones performance but i think the competitive spirit should end there... and honestly... is just a 2 hr exam... how much can i bank on it... should take a break from all this CAT related discussion..

so now i talk about the other things happening in my life........................................................................... cant think of a thing other than the threat of being thrown out of msc for poor attendence looming large... oh my goodness... my life is so boring!!

i am a control freak

2004-10-13T01:40:00.000+05:30

todays bombay times (its bombay times not mumbai times yet) carried this article on control freaks... people who like to have everything under control... read it... was a pretty accurate description of me.. cant believe im like that... actually more like i didnt think i was so well classifiable! always thought i was more complex!! ;o)
but i really gotta do something about this... coz i lose my head everytime i see things spiralling out of control.. or even things totally out of control anyway... im well on my way towards a nervous breakdown considering the CAT.. my scores instead of improving have been steadily declining and i have no idea why.... and above that im shit scared about my attendance... theyre gonna kick me out of class soon... and if they dont i think im well on my way to letting myself out of the university by flunking... i wonder of it was a wise decision to take up msc anyway... perhaps i should have just sat at home and studied for CAT alone... i wonder why i didnt give it last year... actually i know why i didnt.. was smitten by the thought of being an academic...! anyway a lot happened in between and i ended up at MU doing my msc in stats (this i really have no idea why i took up)... but i really believe that everything happens for the best..
really dont know which colleges to apply to... spent over 5 grand buying forms and now i really dont know what im doing with them... dont even feel like filling them out coz i heard how SPJ took interviews last yr... it seems pointless to apply.. but again its all for the best!
on that positive note... tata!

woo hoo!!!

2004-10-06T12:10:00.000+05:30

finally.... success!
have been trying for ages to get this thing started.... suddenly it decided to work!!
as to why this sudden blogging enthusiasm?? well its kinda like this.. im preparing to give the CAT this yr and one of my inspiration techniques is to read blogs of people at the IIMs... hv been doing that a lot really... and yes have got a lot of inspiration...! which is why i thought id add my own story... (may it prove to be an inspiration to many!)
though right now im in a pretty uninspirationable (if thats a word) state... esp considering CAT... my simcat scores are steadily declining..... doing really really terribly in DI esp... and to top it there are so many other things i have gotten involved in that i cant let go of now... like last week was so hectic in college.. we were organising this talk on election issues and wed got these NGOs to come an speak and two days before the event we finally put out publicity... teribly late anyway... and all of it was vandalized... ripped apart... therefore spent the entire morning doing everything from making banners to running to classrooms begging people to come.... it was mad... i lost my head.... and then star news shows up saying theyre gonna cover it.... we didnt even have audience... it was so scary... finally thankfully it went OK...(star news converted into a news item on student apathy ;o)
anyway the point of the story is things have been so busy... ive stopped considering attending lectures even.... barely enough to keep the req att... if i stop to think of it... its really scary.. the extent to which im relying on doing well at cat and subsequent tests.. im gonna get thrashed at the final exams in coll... will hv to start studying as soon as CAT is done with... we were doing linear models in class today.. definitely one of the most bouncer papers... and i felt so shitty to think of myself sitting in class and not following a thing..... but its too late to give up now... will have to follow it through.. and well... heres to CAT! meow! (hee hee!!)

is this ever going to work?

2004-10-05T23:16:00.000+05:30

my umpteenth attemt to publish a post... just never goes through... this is therefore testing....

poor start

2004-10-03T18:11:00.000+05:30

i must say that about my first attempt at blogging... wrote a nice long post but when i clicked send... my dear comp didnt respond... tried that twice.... the only time something did get posted was when i mistakenly clicked send with nothing written... therefore the blank post!

anyway.. wont write much about myself yet... twice bitten..... lets try sending and see if something shows up..

spanking new

2004-10-03T00:06:00.000+05:30